I was honored to speak at Tom’s service and had several people who were unable to attend say they wish they could have been there. He leaves such a big hole in so many lives. I cried for 3 days putting these thoughts on paper but on the way to the service I prayed to God and asked Tommy to give me strength to do him justice. Here’s the text of those thoughts. Until we meet again my dear friend….. I know all of us are still trying to fully comprehend the reality of this unexpected and devastating loss. There’s not a person in this room that doesn’t wish we had another 30 years with Tom Culkin. Over the past few days I was given the opportunity to sit with Mary Lou and the girls and the guys and just visit about Tom and we found ourselves laughing a lot more than crying. I learned a lot of things only they would know about him and I’m proud to be able to share some of those memories with you today. Friday night as I lay in bed trying to come to grips with this, Sue said, “Do you remember the first time you ever met Tommy Culkin.” And I do. As a matter of fact, he and I have laughed together over it many times over the years. Our first meeting took place in the early 70’s. Out on the Catholic Cemetery Road north of the Fairbury high school – Night Time – two cars parked head lights to head lights, illuminating the “Rumble Zone.” I was 14, my brother Paul and our friend (16), we were about to square off with 3 bad boys from Forrest. Mike Metz, Greg Coleman and the baddest of the bad, the Notorious Tommy Culkin. I didn’t know em’, had never seen them before – Good Lord, they lived clear over in the Eastern part of the state. I didn’t even really know why we were there, although Paul reminds me now that it was over a girl, go figure; but never the less, we were silly kids. I don’t recall much fighting taking place. A couple of us scuffled around a bit, but all ended up shaking hands and friendships were born. Seems actually we had a lot in common. Even if they did come from so far away, and some of those friendships now have lasted a lifetime. Back then we all had a mutual fascination with cars and motorcycles and most anything with wheels. When you’re a guy growing up in Forrest or Cropsey in the 60’s and 70’s, wheels were your Holy Grail. Wheels meant freedom – Wheels meant independence. Not to mention they were a about the only cool things we had. There were no computers or cell phones or video games. Tom’s wheels and his new found independence felt good and not too long after meeting us and making friends, he felt compelled to come to Fairbury and steal our women. Now we did have something to fight about!! But nevertheless, he and Mary Lou started dating during their senior year; it would’ve been the fall of 72’. Since then, I know neither of them ever looked back. They both learned to say I’m sorry early on and their love for one another only grew stronger through the years. It was cool, Joni told me she’ll never forget the dance she and her dad shared at her wedding. Tom said to her, “Joni, I love you so much” and she said “I love you too Dad” and he said “do you know why I love you so much” and she said “why” and he said “because I love your mother so much and Joni you are the spitting image of your mother.” How cool is that!?!? I stumbled across the true meaning of love the other night when Mary showed me the big deer head in her freezer. She says it’s been there for years (rack and all); staring up at you through the ice cream bars and the ground beef patties. She says it’s not the first one she’s had in there; he swaps it out when he gets a bigger one, that my friends is True Love!! You know for the past several years a bunch of us have taken a road trip for 4-5 days in our hot rods called the Power Tour. I saw Tom come about as close to cheating on Mary Lou as he ever did on that tour. We were walking along scoping out the cars and I heard him say, “Man, is she hot or what??” and I whirled around to look and he was RIGHT!! There she stood, a 41’ Willy’s Gasser with a straight axle and a blown hemi sticking outta her hood – It Was Love at First Sight!! And Tom loved his siblings. Let me read you a little excerpt from the eulogy Tom gave for his brother Mike when he passed………. “Mike was my brother and he was just so full of love. I’m sure that many people have more compassion for people like Mike just from knowing him and I’m certain that the influence he made on our lives and in our family will reflect for generations to come. It would be great if all of us could be filled with such love as Mike.” You know Tom and his sisters Diane and Theresa and his brother Mike all grew up in Forrest and were very fortunate to have two wonderful, loving parents like they did. Tom spoke often of his pride in them for their service to our country in WWII. Clarence, I know you and he shared a lifetime of mutual respect. Tom learned everything he knew about family values and parenting from you and his mother and you should be very proud. He adored you both. …And how lucky was Tom to have 3 beautiful, smart, very fertile girls as these sitting right here. He knew how lucky he was. Never ever did anyone doubt that, and for all the gray hair you gave him, he never once wished you were boys. Little did he know, he’d end up with 3 of those someday too. He always said a girl can do anything a boy can do…..and you did… Hunting, fishing, boating, shooting guns, hot rodding…..you name it. You did it. And he didn’t sugar coat it or scale it back for any of you because you were girls either, did he? They spent many weekends at Grandpa and Grandmas cabin on Lake Bloomington when the girls were young. If Joni pussy footed around on the dock afraid to get wet because she was scared of the fish, he’d fix it. He’d softly take her hand and shove her in. That was Tom. One of the craziest things they said he ever did was bribe them with Snicker Bars to go to the end of the timber and flush the deer toward him – so he could get a good shot. I think that constitutes abuse, I’m not sure. And one thing they all agreed was that he was never sympathetic enough. Whenever one of them would get hurt or sick, he’d say “You’re fine, you’re fine. Suck it up! I’ve had all that and you’ll get over it.” They said they were never so happy to get their first menstrual cycles – it was the one and only ailment their dad couldn’t relate too and make light of. So that was a big deal around there. Tom always said every girl needs to know how to drive a stick shift. And one by one when they came of age, he took them out to that same Catholic Cemetery Road and taught them how. Sounds like he spent a lot of scary times on that Catholic Cemetery Rd to me. And they said he was a strict dad with a no-nonsense approach to raising girls and when they would argue with him, he’d always have to have the last word and wouldn’t let them get a word in edgeways. So they finally resorted to writing him letters to tell their side of the story. Letters he then preceded to grade with a big red marker, like a grade school teacher; crossing out anything he didn’t like, circling errors in punctuation and inserting his own text where needed before returning it to them for review. One way or the other, Tom always got the last word. They’re still a little testy about that one!! But you know although Tom was strict when he was raising them, once they got out on their own, they all agreed, he became their best friend and I think we could all see that in the great relationships he had with all of them. Mary Lou, you and Tom did a wonderful job raising these girls together. They were brought up with compassion, work ethic, respect, and a strong love of Jesus Christ. What more could any of us ask? We can’t talk about Tom’s loves without talking about his cars. He loved his cars. He was a car nut!! He was always a last minute mechanic and didn’t give a second thought to putting the last parts and pieces on the car at mid-night and taking off early the next day for a 4-day cruise. Then we’d stop in Forrest and adjust the timing, then we’d stop in Chatsworth and tune the carburetor so on and so on it was always an adventure with him. Half the fun was just getting there. I can’t help but think he and Johnny Culkin and Dick Lawrence have a lot of catching up to do. Where they’re at there’s a lot of great car guys in HEAVEN SHALL BURN OFFICIAL. Tom’s in good company. But you know for as much as he loved cars and car shows and all that, his family always came first. This past summer a bunch of us were in Wisconsin on that Power Tour and he and Paul left late evening and drove through the night to get home because Tom’s kids were coming home with all the grandkids and he wouldn’t miss it for the world. When Tom left early from a car show, you know it was important to him – Trust Me!! He was all about the grandkids and he took his “Papa Duties” very seriously. We begged him to stay, but he was outta there. Tom was a man of integrity and he ran his business much like he lived his life. Let me sum up an article that was written to the Blade back in 1991. Back in the days of Sam & Tom at C&S Service, Tom towed a lady out of a snow bank one wintry Sunday night. She paid cash and was on her way. Sometime during the conversation they had, he never got her name, but she said she was a teacher in Paris, IL. 3 days later, this lady gets a phone call from Tom telling her she over paid him. So sure enough she looks and there’s a $100 bill missing from her wallet. She asks him how he found her and over the course of a couple days and umpteen phone calls to the school systems in Paris he figures it out and sends her $100.00 back. Here’s what she writes…… “I used this “Life Experience” as a great teaching lesson this week in all grades K-8. You are fortunate as a community to have honest people such as Tom serving and representing you. The other day I asked those kids “Do you ever see God at K-Mart?” It’s not a trick question, but if they answer “No” I might reply “Maybe not, but I have seen him in a tow truck.” …. Thanks Tom and thanks for letting me share this. You know for the past several years we were lucky enough to have Tom working with us. He was passionate about good customer service and he was always on the lookout for ways to improve it. We had a special relationship. He’d been there and I really valued his input and advice. He was my calming voice in the storm. That’s what I’ll miss most. It wasn’t until I’d spent some time talking with a lot of you the past couple days that I came to the grand realization that I wasn’t alone. He had a similar special relationship with most of you. And he was that same calming voice to a lot of you. Girls, I don’t mind telling you how much you helped me deal with this on Monday when we talked. Jill said “you know Ray, we are just sad, so very sad, but we are at peace with it. We know where he is. We know that he loved us. We know we love him and we know he’s with us now.” You don’t know how badly I needed to hear that. Thank You!! That is such a testament to how well your parents prepared you girls for this day and your Faith. One of the girls found this old tattered notebook I think in Tom’s sock drawer, of all places, and it was turned to this page, which we thought was pretty ironic. All the rest of it is full of part #’s, tire pressure readings, belt sizes and stuff, but it’s open on this page. This was written when Amber was having major surgery some years back. “Amber – this makes everything else in our lives seem so trivial. It’s too bad it takes something like this to make us realize this. While sitting in that hospital waiting room things that, at one time we all thought were so important, we found out were not important at all. What you had to go through as a 12-year old girl seemed to all of us to be such an unlucky, terrible thing, but now that it’s over and you are healthy, I feel like the luckiest father in the world. We are all so blessed. Believe in “The power of prayer” because no matter what, we truly know we are not alone.” And then he goes on to talk about a 1968 Chevy. What I’m getting at is this, we all had plans for Tom….anniversaries, weddings, graduations, birthdays, soccer games…. I can’t remember when he himself didn’t have plans of road trips, hunting trips and family adventures. I only saw him fleetingly last Thursday at a morning meeting, but Albie said he was giddy all day, like a kid in a candy store in anxious anticipation of the weekend ahead with all of you and some hunting with his three favorite son-in-laws. God knows he passed while doing exactly what he loved most. Yes, we all had plans for Tom, 30 more years of plans, but the harsh reality of his passing changes all that and paints a different picture…..but not a picture without his presence. I look over there and I see a wonderful, growing family, born and raised of Tom and Mary Lou with the same confidence and dignity and love and passion for life they put into their family. I see those same big blue eyes everywhere I look and so many of the same traits Tom had that God’s instilled in all of you….and it’s all good. My hope today is that all of us, who’s lives Tom touched in so many ways, will know with certainty, that he is with our Father and his mother, his brother, and all his loved ones who’ve gone before us. Take solace with me in the fact that if we live life with the same spirit and belief in Jesus Christ that Tom had, we will all meet again one day. Will you pray with me. Dear Heavenly Father, Please comfort us in this time of sorrow and loss with the certainty that Tom is in your Heavenly Home with your loving arms wrapped tightly around him and that he is aware of our love for him. Assure his loved ones, especially these grandchildren Lord that they are in their Papa’s sight right now and that he will be with them always. Transform our grief Dear Lord into gratitude for the time we shared with Tom and thankfulness for the influence he will continue to have on all our lives as we go forth. Prepare a place that we might all reunite one day with him and accompany you on the Grandest Power Tour of all. In Jesus name we pray, Amen. ….I can hear him now…. DagNabit, just get on with it, you’ll be fine. And we will – together. Ray Popejoy
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 21:25:54 +0000
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