I would like to begin the post today with a request for healing prayers for Kellie and Mike. They will both be going for scans at the end of the month checking if chemo program has worked on their tumors. Kellie is a beautiful lady with a 12 y/o daughter and 8 y/o son. Mike is a father of 3, grandpa and best friend to his wife Donna. The third person is a young husband and father, friend of our family and especially to Corrie and Brian. He never failed to make my Corrie not only laugh but belly laugh. He has been ill for over 9 months and the doctors finally found a rare tumor in his colon which was removed successfully. Last week they went back for a 3 month check up scan and they were told 4 lesions were found on his liver. They now must return this Wednesday for a full scan to see if it has metastasized to any other organs. This young man has two daughters and a step son. His wife is a beautiful lady that I love like a daughter. It is the Christmas season, which is full of miracles, so let’s pray for 3 miracles of complete healing. I have always said that if you pray for a miracle you must BELIEVE you will get that miracle. Praise the Holy Spirit because He is the almighty Healer. Don’t’ be afraid to ask for complete healing. I would also like to ask for prayers for all of us who must face Christmas without our babies. As the days get closer to the 25th, many are missing their babies even more than normal. Thank you. Less than 10 days from today begins our first Christmas without our Corrie. The thought is so sad for me. I truly don’t know how we are going to do it. Christmas Eve was always the Cleary Christmas and after we came home it was when our little family opened our gifts and then normally we would go to Midnight Mass. I would always ask Brian and Corrie to give out the gifts and when Corrie would pass them out it was always done in light speed. That child did love to get presents. I do feel her spirit many days and sometimes when she is so strong I think that is when it is so hard for me because it causes me to remember everything about that baby of mine, to feel the emptiness of her not in my life even more. I was asked by someone who knew her if I could describe exactly how it feels to lose a child. NO, I can’t because there are no words that can describe this pain. I can put it in a way that allows some understanding. If any of you have children, nieces, nephews etc…and they spend the evening, night, a few days ore even a week away from you, that feeling that comes over you when they pop into your mind and you just can’t wait until they are back with you because you miss their physical being is a very watered down version of what we feel, only like I said before, multiply it by infinity. You see, when you don’t have the luxury of knowing your babies will return to you it only magnifies the hurt. We go through some days only thinking of them a thousand times during our waking hours, and some days there are no other thoughts but them. Think what it would be like if your baby went to camp one summer and never returned. You trusted they would but in a blink of an eye your life has changed. With Christmas coming I have heard from many women who have lost their children 10, 15 even 20 + years ago but are getting hit by the 2x4’s right and left. You see, Sybil NEVER leaves your life after coming into it uninvited. She lurks in the shadows and waits for a moment to strike. The trouble is no one can figure out how or when she will strike. I do believe I am having more o.k. days than bad days so maybe that is why when I have those bad days they seem to hit me harder now. I do feel like I am getting stronger, I feel like even tho’ my heart is still shredded and spirit will always remain shattered with Corrie’s death, my Lord is breathing strength into my soul, the Blessed Mother holds me in her arms tightly when I don’t want to go on letting me know that if she could watch the Savior die so cruelly, I can carry on one more day. My stronger faith doesn’t make the pain any less, it makes me stronger to deal with that pain. I’ve accepted I have to live like Corrie always told me I had to, I have to live for Ronnie, Brian and Elena, it means I have accepted God has something He wants me to do and I can only do it by experiencing this pain, I believe what ever it is it must be big and I’ve accepted I must be patient until HE reveals what is I am meant to do. It means that I have accepted my Belle is gone and no matter how much I plead with God to give her back to me I must wait to be with my baby again when it is my time to die. It means I KNOW I will be reunited with not only the Lord, but Corrie my mama and my sister. It means that my heart is still in shreds and spirit is still shattered but my Lord and Savior has been applying His spiritual first aid. So thank you for your prayers and I ask you to continue to pray for my fractured little family. Thank you Teala for giving me hope all those months ago-I didn’t believe you then but I heard the words that I would need now. I am still weak on some days, but my o.k. days are out numbering my bad days. I am likely to write of my sadness many more days ahead because my baby girls death has left a huge hole in my life and soul. I hope that by sharing this pain it will be of some help to those who must come into the club and begin walking this sometimes unbearable painful path. I LOVE YOU TO HEAVEN AND BACK BABY GIRL. Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit. 1 Cor. 15: 42-44 - It is the same way with the resurrection of the dead. Our earthly bodies are planted in the ground when we die, but they will be raised to live forever. Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. They are buried as natural human bodies, but they will be raised as spiritual bodies. For just as there are natural bodies, there are also spiritual bodies. My challenge today is not an easy one. Throughout your day today when you get angry, stressed, upset and or scared try to stop and remember that there are people feeling all of these emotions but not because of a job or rude people, because they have lost their child and cannot understand the “why” of it all. So when you feel any of these negative emotions, please stop and pray for the broken mommies and daddy’s, fractured families that they feel a little peace. I guarantee when you put other people in front of yourself, life seems to be a little smoother and kinder. Thank you from my heart for trying this challenge. God bless, LET GO LET GOD, Dimes, pink skies & stars, mismatched socks, magic rocks. lost crock pots, wet puppy dog smells, quiet time, holding hands, I LOVE YOU’s, 3 kisses, summer rains, strong daddies, HOPE, PB&J sandwiches, two handed hugs, double rainbows, wax paper art, Angel feathers, snorts of laughter, FAITH, FORGIVENESS, Butterfly kisses and Unicorns.
Posted on: Mon, 15 Dec 2014 15:05:21 +0000