IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND MY LAST FEW YEARS WITH A BROKEN HEART THIS SHOULD GIVE YOU A CLEAR PICTURE: I want to start by saying to anyone that reads this and who sent me good wishes, THANK YOU, for keeping me in your good thoughts during and after my heart surgery. I am home in NYC recovering and resting now and since I am now finally alert, and the rest is a whirring blur, I had a few comments about all this. Big surprise eh? Literally hundreds of people from around the world texted me, emailed me, private messaged me and commented on my walls and pages during this journey and some had made comments like, Put your phone down and rest, or Seriously, you are instagramming your your surgery?, or Can you really not be away from your phone? You see for me it was not about not being able to put my phone down, for me I was able to create a log of memories, moments and pieces of this journey called my life, its NOT for you all, its for me, I simply have tools that allow me to share it. It took my mind completely away from the fear, worry and reality of what was happening. Tiny Catheters, Ablating tools and Instruments were going to be and were inserted inside my heart for 5 and a half hours. That in and of itself is amazing to me, but I did not want to think about all that, so I did what I do best, I made friends with the nurses, aids, orderlies, doctors, assistants, receptionists, food service staff and everyone I came in contact with. I gave myself into their care and trusted them with my life. It may not be a big deal to you, but it was a HUGE deal to me! I had to keep my humor about me. And now, in addition to what appears to be this perfectly beating heart, I have a collection of moments in time before and after my surgery to remember how big a deal this was for me. AND I HAD NO FEAR, NO NERVOUSNESS AND NO HESITATION! I went in with an open mind and heart and came out with a solution, no stress and remarkably quick healing. Im in bed right now just weeping as I write this, I have not been able to go to a proper Yoga class or to the Gym in years, getting up long stairways has been so hard. I walk three blocks and I am winded and now hopefully all that can be gone and I can get back to being me, (those of you who have known me for years knows who this is, and I for one want old Mark back). I have been so severely depressed for these last number of years, that getting through a day was difficult especially in this last 4-7 years. I ended my last relationship partly because of it. I have avoided or cancelled so many social opportunities because I simply did not have the energy or desire to go through them, I skipped the Oscars, Grammys, and other shows Id love attending, I have said no to concerts, trips, hikes, dinners and opportunities right in front of me, and I have avoided a lot of work. When your heart does what mine was doing its really really hard, but I never shared it with anyone, I just lived my life, as best I could, worked and travelled as I could, and did my events to try to help others to do better, had I been the real me, my events alone would probably be 100 times bigger by now. Many of you dont know this was my 3rd Heart Surgery. These new surgeons explained why the other two did not fully fix it and in some ways made it worse and I am one of those lucky people who got this opportunity to find an answer and make the decision to repair it. I am hoping this did. This combined with my other health issues has made this road pretty damn rocky. But I dont know backward, I only know forward, so forward it is! So now I am going to lay here in a pool of grateful tears for a short while, do what it needed to mend myself and get back to my real full life as I am able. In the meantime, I took this little video right before they put me under, I had not seen it until today, what a goof I am, but its a memory I can now look at and have forever. Just like all the good wishes you have all sent me. Thank you again for allowing me to be a tiny part of your lives, I am overly blessed by the Universe to be sure. Go out today, record your life, live it out loud, help someone do a little better and be grateful for what you have! Right now I am gonna take some Mark time.
Posted on: Fri, 05 Sep 2014 19:51:48 +0000
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