If you all want a blog and a deeper look into #momlife, booooy, I definitely have one for you tonight! *whew!* And its not sequins and butt cheeks. I am constantly giving. Constantly playing and singing and reading and watching and listening and explaining and hugging and entertaining and talking... Oooh, you are so good at that! Youre so strong! We can have fun AND be in control of ourselves! You are very creative! Being silly is so fun, isnt it?! You are such a good helper! Wow! You have great ideas! I know that hurts, but I will hold you until it stops hurting. (I mean, come on, arent you tired of it just reading all that?!) Im always comforting. Always supporting. Always encouraging. Always nurturing. And, let me just say, it is utterly exhausting! Today is a day where my ears hurt and my body feels heavy, but my spirit is whats shaking and Im just feeling like I just have NOTHING left to give! Nothing. Not even a tear. But... Although the kids are fed and homework is done (nearly over my dead body) and the light of bed time is slooooowly emerging from the abyss, my night is far, faaaar from over. My husband isnt even home yet! I still need to ask him about his meeting and praise him for his fasting and thank him for another hard days work. I need to touch him and CONNECT with him. I need to adore and encourage and love and nurture him, too. So... I take some breaths, ask God to help me find more love (and patience!), and I look forward to my husband getting home instead of fearing the pressure. I push back that itching resentment for him leaving me for an extra two hours while Im slaving away over four kids. I remember he wants to be here as much as I want him to be here. I remind myself that the kids dont really do things to spite me. I look for the joy in their eyes instead of wince at their screams. I remember these kids are only the excitable, adventurous, and free spirited babies they are because I allow and encourage them to be. I remember that my family doesnt just need me, they WANT me. They love me. And what I do matters. So I continue to watch the kids slide and yell MOM! Watch! over and over. I release my furrowing eyebrows and prepare to smile and kiss. I oblige. I do it. I work. Constantly. Not because I want to in the moment, not even because I try to! I do it because... Its what I do. I do it because I want to in the big picture. Because this is the dream. The dream I dreamt. The dream I created. The dream I want. I remember it. And, although Im exhausted and feel beaten to within an inch of my loud, obnoxious life, Im thankful. (Somewhere deep down in there!) ;)
Posted on: Thu, 06 Nov 2014 00:53:16 +0000
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