Im a little ragey--internally--today. Bear with me. I was in line at Shopko, behind a mother and daughter. I was on my break, so I was kind of in a hurry, but I was patient. They were asking questions about curtain rods and taking forever, and a line quickly formed behind me. Thats fine, Im cool. The cashier called up another checker, who waved me over. Well, the person BEHIND me decided that they were more important, so they went over first, and the rest of the line behind me along with them. DAMMIT. DO YOU NOT KNOW QUEUE ETIQUETTE???!! Oh well, I was still next. Can I have your shopko number? asked the cashier to the woman. Um, okay.. try 541 bla blab... what? No? Okay... 6 ATTEMPTS LATER, the daughter FINALLY lets her mom use her number. Im ready to explode. Im a powder keg. Im the Eyjafjallajökull volcano. Luckily, I redirected my endless well of hate to the person who TOOK my spot in the next lane over and I continued to broadcast a voodoo curse through my eyes directly into their soul... ( O )_( O ) ...but I dont think they even noticed. Theyll notice when their soup is a little too peppery later! THATS WHAT YOU GET! Anyway, I turn back to my line... That will be $4.38, please. The woman pulls out a five, and five singles at the same time, gives four bills to the cashier. Oh no. She then drags her massive purse up, plops it on the counter and starts to unzip it slower than a sperm whale trying to fold fitted sheets. ZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Im dying. It takes SO LONG that the cashier forgets that the woman STILL hasnt pulled out her change and says thank you, have a nice day, and hands her the receipt. That, or she saw the steam coming out of my ears. The shopper adopts the face of someone about to perpetrate the crime of the century, you know that shocked, blank, wide-eyed look? The one that says Oh my god, Im... Im actually going to get away with not paying 38 cents! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I lean up, to the cashier, smiling, and I tell her shes just been scammed. HEY, CASHIER--THIS PIECE OF INHUMAN FILTH IS TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF! CALL THE COPS! YOU HOLD HER DOWN AND ILL GET THE ZIP TIES. But I was in a hurry, so I let the crime unfold before my eyes. The woman FINALLY stepped aside, and the cashier told her someone would be up soon to help her with her goddamn curtain rod questions. I hope your curtain rods are full of maggots when you get home. I walked past the daughter on my way out, sitting on a rack of soda waiting for her mother to buy curtain rods at shopko at 8:30 at night. Her dead eyed look of defeat let me know that I had escaped this trip easily. -Oldman Coffee
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 04:27:06 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015