Inquiry into Awakening - Does the Truth need to be true? An email exchange with an aspirant follows. Also a link to our YouTube channel for tonights Live Inquiry Broadcast. Aspirant: I realized that, once again, or maybe for the first time again, what a daunting conundrum associating with mind is. If, allegorically, I consider my association with it over the past 61 years, Id say Ive been used as a cheap phuck friend; carried, enticed and mortified through this facade of independent creation. Part of this disguise of emotional feeling and expression tricks me into thinking that there is a way out of the samsara roller coaster - it says happiness, cheerfulness is better. Of course it has its upside, and also its demands for pleasure seeking and attention. But I see Ive been sold a fake bill of goods here. I see how I am trapped in a kind of mind created torture chamber. And yet, there are glimpses of ordinary settling and beauty beyond words which seem so phucking hard to reach most of the time. Try or dont try. Turn my back on it or not, it doesnt make a difference. So, the magic is not always apparent - at least to this one here. I share this with you and still find a sense of being lost. NSS: It’s a simple puzzle. We’re interested in ourselves, naturally, but we’re interested through the filter of “I know what this is and therefore I know what experience I am having right now!” That happens to be a lie, a big fat one. So how might we discover the keen trick to be interested, available, fascinated, and attentive – without the banal presumption that I know what this is or what I am experiencing? You see? The cluster-phuck is the habit, which is defensive and presumptuous, of thinking that we can be, should be, and are indeed in control of our present experience through knowledge or sentiment or self-reflection – all of which are conditioned and arbitrary and patently false. You can only come to the conclusions you come to through some conviction – as if you know what this is and how you are feeling about it and yourself. But the fact is that you can’t have any genuine confidence about anything conceived or asserted or presumed to be what’s true to the exclusion of everything else that may be and perhaps is true. Once you put your foot down, or take delivery, or touch this with the force of one’s heretical and anecdotally hysterical mind – you are framed by your own beliefs and you think that something is wrong with you and with this – it is imagined. This force of imagination seems to be a constant and inescapable companion, but it’s not. You remain unafflicted even in the midst of one’s sorrowful and always disappointing lamentations about what’s present. This is not about anything, so you don’t have to come to knowledge or even good cheer in the face of present experience – it’s the pressure of belief which gets us down, not the content. Once we stop associating with belief, slowly and gradually and all at once, we can longer frame ourselves as a consequential entity – we are unbounded fascination in which all occurs and about which we have no particular interest. Aspirant: I dont know if theres a medical term for this, but it reminds me of when Im asleep and having an unpleasant dream. At some point in the dream I realize Im in a dream and find some way to wake myself up out of the dream. I wake up and usually feel glad that got out of it. But I guess youre suggesting that even when I seem to be awake nothing is really true. NSS: If there is a True, it’s the observation of a non-causal and inconsequential fractal simultaneity that doesn’t convey anything or any meaning other than itself is so. If one is a disappointed and restlessly driven human, that is just an inconvenient mask imposed upon the transcendent nature of what is so. That This is in the way that it is, is true, but that’s not really saying much. The pursuit of meaning and conveyance and substantiation of self in space time are all myth – Samsara. And where is this lamentable Samsara occurring, well phuck me, right here in Nirvana!
Posted on: Thu, 22 Jan 2015 20:37:34 +0000
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