Interesting Revelation~ Ns get triggered too! A couple of years after taking my abusive Nrents side and disowning me, ex-cousin Delilah managed to run into me in a store. We had a nice strange conversation which Ive written about before. But recently, something reminded me of something she said during that little chat. We had been very close for many years, and our families were raised together. At get-togethers, she often brought the potato salad, and my husband always complimented her on it, because hes a nice guy. So now, she asked how everyone was, and then, with a wistful smile and tone of voice, said, Every time I make potato salad, I think of your husband. These little things often take us years to process and put the pieces together, and for me the light bulb didnt go off until many years later. Potato salad triggered this N to think of us, people who loved her all her life and whom she had unceremoniously dumped. Oddly, we had potato salad many times after she disowned us, but it never caused us to think of her. Did it have to do with getting a compliment, some admiration for her special recipe? I dont know. Weird. Since this little revelation, Ive been able to experiment a few times with planting subliminal messages that might trigger memories in Ns, and strangely enough, they do seem to work. Im beginning to realize that, as much as the holidays are a trigger for us, they are also a trigger for the Ns. Could this explain why so many of us are blindsided over the holidays by unexpected and unwelcome contact from estranged Ns looking to re-connect? There is one difference, though. When an N gets reminded of us by the Christmas decorations going up in the stores or the turkey dinners local restaurants start advertising, their memories are GOOD memories. They remember being spoiled, catered to, having their snide comments overlooked in the interest of keeping the peace, getting attention, enjoying a nice meal someone else cooked for them, getting thoughtful presents, having us try and please them and keep them happy. But when we get triggered, the memories are usually negative. We remember the sarcasm, nastiness, criticism, complaints, exhaustion from doing all the work, lack of appreciation, abuse and hurt feelings. We dont miss the holidays with them (after a few years of adjusting to new traditions), because lets face it, they were horrible. But they miss the holidays with us. Why wouldnt they? They were great! So the Ns start feeling wistful and homesick for the way it used to be. They feel sorry for themselves. So, of course, with no thought as to what WE might want or what is best for US, they call or send a gift or card, trying to weasel their way back in. They had a good thing, and they blew it. We were GOOD to them, and the multitude of triggers surrounding us during the holiday season reminds them of what theyre missing, just like it reminds us. I think this explains some, if not most, of the holiday contact we get when the Ns up and decide to un-punish us and throw some bait out in the river. Kind of satisfying in a way, to think that theyre going to be reminded of us, and what they threw away, for the rest of their lives. Long after we stop thinking of them and move on to greener pastures, might this explain why theyre still obsessed with us, still gossiping about us, still fishing for information about us, years later? How nice to be so unforgettable! And why not? We ARE nice, and we treated them well, and we didnt deserve what we got in return. And now, the Lord in his mysterious justice makes sure well haunt them forever. Very interesting.... Thank you Lord for this revelation and your blessed peace and joy :-)
Posted on: Tue, 25 Nov 2014 21:19:25 +0000
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