It always amazes me how much growth can happen in a very short time. Six months ago I was stupid, simply stupid. I look back and see how immature I was and Im embarrassed to see myself as I was. I wasnt focused on God; I only cared about myself. I screwed up some friendships because of it. Then my brain started bleeding and everything changed. I was put in the hospital for ten days and began brooding. After the surgery I was mad. I was mad that I felt impaired. I was mad that God would put me through such pain and discomfort. I was mad that my hair was shaved off (I was growing it out for Alaska!). I was mad that I was going to have to leave school. I was falling into a selfish hatred of myself and God. But something changed. I began thinking about my future. My future relationships, my future direction for school, my future spouse. After a month (November) I was fully letting go of almost everything. I still had some selfishness I needed to work on, but I was feeling renewed! In that month I began looking into choices for school for the next semester and decided to chase Bethany College of Missions. Within another month (December) I was enrolled for the spring semester and feeling like God was leading me somewhere crazy. I began praying Whatever your will, Lord, may it be done. And I had no idea how crazy his will for me truly was. January 7th 2014 I was attempting to fly out to Minneapolis to get to school, but hundreds of flights were canceled due to poor weather (including three separate flights I tried to schedule). That wasnt going to stop me though. I was nervous because I had no idea what I was doing, but I was able to spend a wonderful evening with some great friends because of my cancellations. I finally made it to BCOM and saw the campus for the first time ever on the 8th. I was lost like no other. Very quickly though I made friends with my two roommates and began building other friendships. I was a little cocky and immature, but I figured I had time to work on it. I began falling for a girl within a couple of weeks and tried to see if something would develop. One night in February she told me she liked me, but couldnt date me because I didnt love God enough. Ouch. That hurt and I got upset and from my offense said something that hurt her and she walked out. I began pacing and crying in the chapel. I called out Abba! my father, Im so sick of this! I went outside in the snow by the street and fell to my knees, finally admitting to myself how incapable I am on my own. I was fed up with myself. Fed up with the person I portrayed myself as. I prayed for his love to consume me, for him to change my life. He did. About a month later were in present day and my life hasnt been the same since that night I cried out to my father. Ive learned to love more deeply and to be more grateful for the gifts of my father. Ive learned to be unselfish and every day I pray for his guidance on my life. And the girl who set all this off that night? Shes the one who makes me want to be a man of God. She makes me want to be mature and strong and loving. She makes me want to be unselfish and to serve with all I have. She challenges me to be better and to become the guy I want to be. The guy God wants me to be. The crazy part is I dont just want to be better for her. I want to be better for me and people have mentioned how much Ive changed for the better since first getting here. Shes a keeper. So in six months Ive changed from a stupid immature kid who was ruining relationships into someone who is searching daily for Abbas guidance and dating the girl of his dreams while making decisions based on the future instead of the present (and you cant forget the awesome head scar ;)). So dont despair if you are similar to the person I was: stupid, mad, immature, whatever. God works in crazy ways. Sometimes we just cant see it until we step back far enough to see more of the picture.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 22:25:39 +0000