It doesnt matter if i am wrong or right. it doesnt change a thing. what you want matters. what you will have or take and keep is all that matters. i know it hurts and no offense- it is supposed to. why that is could be tricky. love me. probably more now really than ever because you got to know a bit of my pain and saw some of the effect of my shame as i went down. you knew and know i cherished you then and now. i dont think you were aware at all of the resolve in my heart and my grip on this love. i think when it became really real to you on the fourth of july when you made your decision on the direction you were gonna go official with me. if you were not afraid of my grip on this baby-you should have been. i was. i really did wish truthfully that i had never been born to feel such pain and confusion and such an utter sense of fear and being completely lost and alone i thought my heart was really going to just stop beating and i wanted it to. not to hurt you but to have mercy on me. remember me crying out the word-mercy. mercy. i think you have learned things that you didnt count on that were a credit to me for us. it was a struggle i waged alone because as plainly spoken as it was from me to you about what little i was asking for that i needed to spend more time with my baby. i missed her. you were way behind me when you first said we were drifting apart. i said i know baby but you know i love you with all of my heart and we will be ok. one day and sooner than either of us know - these hard times we are going through right now will be behind us and we will finaly get to have a real relationship that we dont have to hide. we will be free and we will be so happy that we will forget about all there long hard days. having to live the way we have has taken its toll on both of us. honey you have such a surprise waiting for you in me you have no idea. you know i cherish you and cant stop thinking of our wedding day and playing it over and over in my mind how the church looks on the inside the people from all over nearly filling every seat and to finaly hear the preacher say- you may now kiss the bride. i invisioned you looking from the pastor to me cause you would be nervous. and i unable to take my eyes away from your so beautifully veiled face knowing i am about to see you in a way for the very first time. i know tears would stream down both sides of my face from so much love for you and a happiness i had never been able to keep
Posted on: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 05:21:05 +0000
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