It is funny how I can recieve so much affirmation and still doubt myself. As I make the transition from being an experiential volunteer to a survivorship professional I constantly find I am second-guessing myself. It seems that the expectations have changed; Some people - not all - want an experiential woman but they do not want her to be real about who she is. At times, it feels as though they want me to stand with them in opposition to my values, my compassionate knowledge and my peers. I cannot and will not do that. I refuse to be the token experiential nor will I sell out. I want to be (and do) more than that. And so, here I am. Feeling stuck in the middle, neither here nor there, trying to figure out where I belong and what it is that God wants me to do. I refuse to settle for less than His best yet, despite the many opportunities He has given me, I become weary at times of the struggle. Constantly scrambling to find meaningful work that will pay the bills, allow me to keep daycare and not demand that I spend time at work that should be spent with my children. I often feel as though I am walking a tightrope, waffling between faith and fear, waiting for a sense of security and stability to settle in, questioning if I am really on the right path or if I should give up and take a well-paid soul-quenching position. Today I went to a survivor support meeting and wept amongst my sisters, sharing my confusion and uncertainties, before coming home to talk to God. When I got home, He led me to this video. I absolutely love how He is always there when we need Him the most. https://youtube/watch?v=hxV2TMZzO0A
Posted on: Thu, 18 Sep 2014 02:44:35 +0000
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