Its been a month now since youve been gone . I really havent broke down to much except for the Terre haute deals, mainly to be strong for mom, Stacey ,and the kids,because I know thats what you would expect from me. But, these past couple days have been tough. Mainly because I know youre not home when I get there. I know its hard for everyone else also, I havent taken a day off since youve been gone because its hard for me to be there and not see you when I walk in the door. You were my best friend a rock and cornerstone. Not just for me but everyone who knew you. I miss not being able to come to you with my problems and you giving me advice no matter how much I didnt want to hear it. I feel bad for not coming to see you at your site but Im not sure Im ready for that yet . I was upset a couple nights ago about how I created this huge mess of bills because of my own selfishness and pride,and I thought about how you said youve never got to go anywhere far after you retired because you cared more about me being happy than yourself. That hurt I was depressed terribly and Dixie called me and said now youre traveling with me now everywhere I go. I lost it I cried I couldnt answer my wifes calls because I didnt want her to hear me break down much like you were the only one to know I cried like a baby about Cale being in the NICU and I didnt want her to see me fall apart then so she wouldnt be scared. Just like then, I know/promise everything will be ok. Now I just got to fight and be there for Mom. I wont lie Im scared to death of losing her too. Wish I knew the outcome to ease my pain a little,but there again thats me being selfish. Kids are doing fine so far,Zach acting up mainly at home and some of that makes me wonder if its because he doesnt have you to fall back on or straighten him up when Stacey doesnt give him the answer he wants.Basically you playing the father figure you did so well,lol, whether annoying or not. I always know no matter what your HEART was always in the right place for everyone.God knows you created yourself a huge family,who all have stories and stories different than mine but all have the same ending. I cant tell you how much I miss you. I wish I could show it but Im not good at that either. I guess Ill just write it down .... Its been a rough month not for me but everyone. Weve all expressed it differently. I know everyone expected me to fall and fall hard well coming to the realization that you are gone lately I am starting to fall apart but I have an amazing support team behind me. I know why I chose my wife , I may not noticed it before and she may not agree , right now . But she is you through and through. Which is prolly why you guys got on each others nerves lmao. Well Ill end my rambling on now partly cuz I cant see though tears and driving and that doesnt mix lol... I Love You Grandma and I miss you do much. Keep riding with I got so much more of this Country to show you and in return Keep me safe with the help of your pal God up there in return ... Ill talk to you later ..
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 16:48:02 +0000
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