Its exactly 6 months today that I lost the love of my life, my sweetheart, my darling, my lover, my friend, my wife but most of all my soul mate. There had been a single second that I havent missed her, missed her hugs, missed our little chats early in the morning, missed her telling me off when we were out and about pushing her in her wheelchair because I didnt hear her say I want to go in that shop, missed taking her to the hospital, sat in Costa enjoying a hot chocolate, missed rubbing cream on her legs, missed her laying her head on my chest, I just miss her that the hurt is unbearable. That day part of me died with her a big part of me. On many occasions I have told Tracey Clark that every day I get up at exactly 4:23, every morning, I just couldnt understand why, but dianne told me, that is the time that I got up that Friday, she was sat in the kitchen, I asked her whats the matter and she replied in a very quiet voice, I dont know what wrong with me this morning, my whole innards is shaking. Since that dreadful Friday and every Fridays since, its like a video tape, its on automatic playback, I go through it, over and over again. As a practicing Muslim we must accept death, its God wills, but I sometime ask why, why Dianne, my sweetheart, my darling, my soulmate why her, why not some scumbags, but if its meant to be it will be and if its not meant to be it will never be. Oh darling I love you and I will carry that love to my grave. I sometime wish God would take me but Dianne wouldnt liked that at all, she has left me specific instructions about Yasmin, Craig, James, Natasha, Holliie (Sophia), Josh and Rohan. So that wish will have to wait. Since that day, I have been present at the birth of our beautiful granddaughter, yasmin and I have moved to our new home and I have gone back to work after six months,mins till have some reservations about work, but I have some wonderful people at work, especially Sue, she has been so kind and understanding and supportive of me and Yasmin, it had made going back to work relatively bearable, if it wasnt for her I definitely quit, no hesitation. Friends and families have been very supportive especially Tracy, Caroline, Craig, James, Natasha, Josh and Rohan, Dianne did tell all of them to look after me and Yasmin, she said I would crumble, how right she was too, I was non functional, but for the sake all the children and grandchildren I had to be strong but at times, I was so cruel, I just thought about myself and too right because it was me that had to go through it every day, day in day out. You see Dianne didnt want the big holiday, the fancy stuffs, the bucket list etc, to her it was all about the thing that matter the most, THE FAMILY, yes very simple her family, hence the family day that she organised on the 15 of March 2014. That day was so beautiful but so sad, I remember when Gareth Hunter was walking to his car, Dianne turned away, she said I will never see him again, we had a cry and I have never stop crying since. I want all of us to remember that family day and remember its all about the family, not about what materialistic things, cause we only here in the world call Earth for only a short while, we just passing by, one day I will see Dianne again, that day I will welcome with open arms, to see my darling again, but not just yet. Ive got a whole family to bring up so not just yet, my time will come and you all be talking about me. Truly Dianne isnt gone because she live in all our hearts, she truly live in mine cause I see her and hear her everyday and every night, I am with her every night and I get up feeling very very happy. Dianne Amanda Dowlut, I love you, I xxxxxxxxxxxx you, till we meet again, you promise to wait for me at the bottom of the stairs, but you will have a long wait in earthly time but in your spirit or heaven time, its just like waking up from sleep. Sleep tight my darling, I miss you so much and give my love to your mum and dad and by the way, keep on eye on Liz (posh lady) who very sadly passed away on Wednesday, no 38. Your loving husband Sabeer Hussein Dowlut..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 06:06:51 +0000
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