Ive been contemplating the definition of family. Is it those you are raised with, or those you share DNA with? Maybe neither of those but people who regardless of your inequities and quirks have your back and love you unconditionally! Im not sure that latte definition even exists. I have found that family sometimes are the first to cause pain and heart break. What does it take to make sure one is not guilty of that? When my Nana Foland, who was the matriarch of the family, passed away, for the most part so did our family. No longer did we have the big family dinners or spend the holidays with extended family. For some reason I have always been one who craves that family connection. I have siblings but until recently they were scattered and that is why I joined my birth sister in Utah who was given up for adoption. Prior to my move we has spent very little time together since she found me 14 years ago. Since then I have wondered what transpired for my mother to give her up. I have felt sibling guilt, wondering why After giving her up that she chose to give birth to me and keep me. I wondered about my sisters adoptive life and if they were good to her. ( FInding out, not so much!!) I wonder and fear that there is deep seeded hostility towards me for being the one who was kept. Will it ever be possible to be considered family by those whom I was not raised with or around? Like I said, the definition of family is very broad. What I do know is that you only get one and a limited number of members to boot. I get the fact that we dont get to pick them, but we do get to decide if we keep them near or not. Life is so very short, for anger and discord! I have heard of families who have not spoken to each other in years over something stupid, ( and unless there was abuse or cheating, I cant think of a good enough reason for that to take place) and then one passes away and the one left behind is left with a void that can never be filled. For all intents and purposes, my sister and her family are strangers to me and mine! You cant know everything about a person in a few short weeks. Regardless, I sold everything we owned and took a huge leap of faith that we will be accepted and loved for who we are. That our life separation was not by either one of our choices and that rather than focus on our separation, focus on gracefulness that it isnt too late for us. No relationship is 100% easy, although family should be a cake walk. I anticipate that we will have to work at it, and remember that against the odds we did find each other so there must be a reason the Universe allowed it. My fear of rejection has made me hyper sensitive and leaves me on the cusp just waiting for the shoe to fall. The kids and I just want to be loved and I am hopeful that that will be the outcome. Because after all, DNA is the definition that makes us FAMILY!! :)
Posted on: Sun, 26 Oct 2014 05:05:32 +0000
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