Ive been doing a lotttt of thinking lately about myself and who Ive become. Some actual positive thinking. Instead of judging things off of what Ive been through and having excuses for my actions because of all the tragedies Ive lived through. I wanna admit, Ive been an asshole and stubborn in my ways for far too long. Letting my hurt and pain inside control the outcome of my life. I also know that I carry on my past and live like its still here haunting me everyday. At the same time some of my family, friends and loved ones suffer from my insecurities and have had to deal with the wrath that comes with them. Ive lost my father to a sad death, a best friend to suicide, other very very close friends and family friends losing battles to cancer or horrific accidents all in a matter of a 3 year span. I almost lost my own life in a horrific accident 4 weeks before my father past. I may hide it but Im very scared to even be alive anymore. I believe when one lives through all of that it haunts them inside and causes them to live in fear if you let it. Only because Ive been weak and allowed it, and everyday worrying if something bad is gonna happen. Its obvious, Ive been living in fear and consolidating my life behind it for many years now. I want my life back, my life! For those of you whove ever noticed a change in me from who I used to be to now and felt disrespected or mistreated or shied away upon, I just want to say I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I was blind of the outcome of my actions for the passed 10 years of my life living carelessly. Im gonna stand up and say Im seeking help and will try to find myself again. The plot to this message is Im truly sorry to anyone Ive hurt with my actions, words or pure ignorance. Hopefully I get through this and someday and also gain the respect back from a lot of friends Ive lost. Someday I wanna be able to look back and smile that this has all happened to me and hopefully help someone through a difficult time they may be facing in life as well. You all know who you are so please say a prayer for me. Again Im sorry and promise to continue to turn this life around for the better. With all of my heart Im sorry, I love you all. God Bless....
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 19:53:19 +0000
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