Ive been trying to come up with the right words to write this post. Im not sure Ive even composed it in my head yet, but here I go. There is the physical part of my battle with my cancer, and then there is the emotional side...both are life-changing. However, most dont understand or comprehend the emotiona/spiritual battle going on every day. Yes-Im strong and I have a relentless faith in God never putting me through more than I can handle, but that doesnt mean I dont hurt. Im human. In fact, I am more sensitive than Ive ever been because Im just worn out, and I am fighting for my life so it takes a toll on my mind...and on everyone close to me. I get hurt very easily. Unfortunately, I hurt the ones I love. I lose it on those closest to me. I cant always keep it together. This is one reason Im so big on kindness and love. Its important to take care of those we love when they cant take care of themselves. Only certain people can be that person to someone in need because their own lives are filled with their own needs and challenges. I understand. The same goes for me. I cant save the world, but I have always strived to be that person for the people in my close circle. I still do, but its not as easy anymore because Im in a bit of a battle. Ive lost friends because if this....because I cant equally give in the relationship anymore. Thats okay. On the other hand, there have been new friends that have really gone above and beyond for us. Changes in life are inevitable. The key is how we respond. There isnt an instruction book that comes along with cancer. Im learning as I go. I guess what Im trying to say is Im sorry in advance for being short-tempered, moody, irrational, etc...to those of you that are the closest to me...Im trying to hold it together. ♥ This is a tough thing for me to write because it shows how vulnerable I really am. But I think its important to say. ♥
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 00:19:35 +0000
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