Ive gone through this last year not really understanding how ive got through it and then I realised Ive not 100% ever believed it really happened. It worked, it got me through each day. The pain would always be there but when I stopped for longer than 2 minutes it would sink in that it had happened and the pain would hit me like a ton of bricks so I would distract myself and delude myself into thinking it was a bad dream again always at the back of my mind knowing it wasnt. I wear a silver locket around my neck and on it has the letter p for preston and inside is his hair. I find myself always holding it and it seemed to comfort me a little but for the last day it hasnt. Ive always ran from my problems and this time it really wasnt any different like I said I made myself believe it wasnt real for the last year but since yesterday the pain has hit like a ton of bricks again and theres no escaping it this time, it doesnt stop. A year ago today we were happy, we had everything we ever wanted and everything was normal. A year ago tonight I had no idea I was going to put my baby to sleep for the last time and I had no idea I was going to wake up a year tomorrow to my insides being torn out, my life ruined and my heart forever broken. I had no idea that from a year ago tomorrow I would count the days away until Im with my baby again, I had no idea that at 26 years old I would know where I was going to be buried. 27 years old and I not only stand by my sons grave I stand by my own and that isnt right. Losing a child shouldnt ever be a part of life, our children should be the ones burying us. Today my heart breaks for what I had, for what I lost.. My beautiful Preston boy and tomorrow I will try to smile for the 9 months and 8 days he had. As much as it hurts to not have him I wouldnt change those 9 months and 8 days for anything
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:50:26 +0000
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