I’ve been struggling with everything especially lately due to all the events from the past 15mo and been doing a lot of thinking on everything. I’m going to throw this out there and we can move forward from there. I’m tired of all the drama and want No part of it. I realize that some think I’m at fault for it all but it isn’t so. Yes I am for some and I’m trying to continue to move forward and make my peace once and for all on it. You can read it and draw your own conclusions, ask questions and I’ll answer them honestly. Whatever you may think of me there is one thing I am is Honest. I may not make the best decision to speak out but that is who I am and have always been. If I see something I will speak out on it despite who it may be or not. Sometimes it is very hurtful and for that I am very sorry for it really isn’t how it is meant. I am an outspoken person and that is my personality. Now to fast forward a little bit here: Lorrie and I were married 23yrs and were together for 25yrs. We did love each other very much at one point. Over the years we both continued to grow and mature, as we were still young when we married and had children, and as this happened we began to drift apart. While we began to each grow in our own directions we never really found a way to find the common grounds making each day, week, month, year even more difficult. One thing we both wanted is for the kids to be alright. We tried to make it work, so to speak without putting forth any real efforts to fix the problems. Our intentions was for “we will do stick it through for the children” which in the end was for the wrong reason. I can not change this but I do wish now that we had made a better choice and more educated decision on how to correct our problems. Lorrie had a heart of Gold when it came to children in general. Her eyes would light up at the sight of a child whether it were her own or not. Like you, and I she had her faults as well but I am not writing this for that and I am not going to indulge on it. After her passing through the horrific accident we have all watched the family fall apart one by one and sides be drawn. Yes, I am to blame for some and yes, there are those that are to blame as well. Lorrie was a good neutral person who could keep the peace with people despite what was going on. Once we lost her our peace keeper was gone and the feuding began, thus tearing the family apart. Our biggest struggle was over financial issues for many years prior to her passing. There were other problems some which I am to blame and some were on her but again I’m not here to point fingers just putting facts out to everyone. One thing we were able to accomplish through all of our struggles was the children are all great children. We both love them and are very proud of each of them. After many years of struggling we made the decision to separate and eventually to divorce. This was a very difficult decision for the both of us. We knew it had to be done for we could not work through problems anymore without arguments. That decision was not based on hate but on our love. We did love each other but we were no longer in love with each other. Once the split happened people started to take sides as to who was to blame and who was not. This was by no means either of our intentions and it is a shame that it happened this way. On Lorrie’s passing our family and friends were hit detrimentally. Instead of pulling together and leaning on each other to get through which some did, and others did but we did not do all together we split apart and so the fights began, which drew the lines for who was now a friend/family and who was a foe. This was wrong for all of us and if truth be known Lorrie would be ashamed of each of us for having done this. These past 15mo have really had an eye awakening to me and that is when I began to make changes in my life to better myself. Now hear me out please. The decisions were made to improve certain areas but I lacked in others. I never kept the closeness as I should have but did grow in other areas. With having to go through this tragedy it made me realize the importance of Wills, Power of Attorney’s, Life Insurance, Bank Acct, Investments and such. I went and sought out areas to fix each of these for I do not want the children to bare some of which I have had to encounter during this time. Through this I’ve become more involved with the children, school, and building relationships that matter. Does this mean everything is perfect? No, but overall we are by far way better than we were at that time. Those that want to run me down for this, that, and the other things should take a step back and now look at the positives in each of the children’s lives including my own. The kids now have better attendance in school, grades are up, involved in sport whether in school or for city leagues, attending church regularly and building a bonding with different members of the church, attending camps and activities, each child has a checking account, savings account, and what is called an UTMA, we do a lot of activities together so family time is quality time. When we don’t do a family outing for the week it feels as if we are missing something now. The children have a sense of direction now, a little more structure in each of there lives. Financially, we are now more stable than we have ever been. We also are communicating better. We have a clean home, for most part organized rooms, new clothes when needed, beddings, abundance of food. I’ve worked hard at putting together a better home and I do feel we are accomplishing this. If all of this is so bad then please let me know why in each area is wrong. There is nothing illegal going on in our home, we don’t expose the children to what I feel could be bad situations. Chelsia, Sarah and Donnyvan are growing and have matured very much. I’m very proud of them. The children have overcome so much and instead of rolling over they have lifted themselves up. They’ve been down a long and difficult road. Fact is I have also grown a lot over the past several months and have struggled emotionally with the loss. My love for Lorrie has never stopped. It is a shame that we had just moved on and we not in love with each other any longer. That didn’t mean the caring ever stopped. I do believe that our home is a strong home and will remain that way and no matter what is thrown at us we shall overcome it as we have and continue to do so. With all this said I will say there have been things said and done to us both personally and some that made some permanent scarring. We have had to deal with things such as CPS called out for truly no apparent reason a couple of times but family members. The saddest part of all was the allegations were so far fetched it was almost laughable. The case worker didn’t even really understand but they have a job to do and I respect that. We went through a road rage incident which nobody was informed of because of all the problems. The person involved in the incident is in fact now serving time in prison for his actions. We have lost other family members and yet we have nobody to lean on if we really needed it. Together we have learned how to lean on each other and work through our problems. I do however wish that things were different with a few certain people and you do know who you are. It would be nice to mend our differences once and for all. This is the one area we lacking and believe it or not I do miss. Instead of taking a persons word and running with it assuming it is the absolute truth I propose to go to that person and speak to them. One thing in life to remember there is two sides to every story. People have a tendency to stretch the truth to make them self look better in others eyes. Come to me and speak with me and we can try and make arrangements for a chat. I do believe you would be amazed at the difference in all of us. If someone is still unhappy with the outcome then so be it. If you find something so offensive that you can not get past it then delete the friendship and lets all move forward. No need to keep the tongue lashings up, talking behind people’s backs, etc. Let us all put forth an extra effort and we can again unite this family as it once was and should be again. I’m willing to give it a chance, How about you?
Posted on: Thu, 13 Jun 2013 22:14:13 +0000