Jana I just left my husband of 34 years. I left him in Hawaii, the Keys is my home, it is my happy place, where my heart is, so I came back here, where I belong. We parted amicably. We decided after 34 years that we were not compatible. I stayed to keep the kids and the family together, like many women do. Now I am on my own for the first time in my life. It feels very, very good. I enjoy my time, my space, that I can do it on my own. I never thought I could. I grew up in a generation and atmosphere where I was taught females didnt have any worth. At least not in my home. Not being a son, a name carrier, there wasnt any value for me, for females. I was taught that being female, no one would want me, no one would care for me, I would never be able to do anything on my own, that would be ridiculous. I lived under that phobia. I didnt feel good about living life. There has been addiction in my life. There has been homelessness in my life. That is what happens to a kid raised in that manner. They have issues, they dont know how to feel, they dont want to feel, so they dont. I didnt have a voice. I finally came to the reality that I was the only one that could change my life, I became empowered. I was tired of going without normal marital respect. We fought a lot, because I wasnt quiet. I left 3 times, but always went back because I didnt think I could make it. I had a male divorce lawyer tell me to go home little lady, you wont make it on your own. I believed that for so long. I finally realized, I am the only one that can change things to get from life what I need, and not depend on other people to give me what I need. The simplest thing I did was get out on my own, now I realize that I can do anything. Anything. I didnt teach that awful way of thinking to my girls. I taught my girls to be strong, to not depend on anyone else, to be able to live and survive on their own before living with someone or getting married, then they can do anything and not be afraid. My girls have done that. Silence. Tears. I am extremely proud of that. I am so proud of my girls. I am proud that I broke that cycle. I believe I was born driven to break that cycle. Stay tuned......
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 10:30:01 +0000
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