Jealousy and insecurity are two different yet closer related things. Understanding the differences and which one plays out most in your life can help you to overcome the trauma of these emotions. Jealousy is brought on by external circumstances whereas insecurity is an internal state of mind. The reason jealousy and insecurity are related is that if you are internally insecure you will experience more jealousy more often because external circumstances will trigger these events. Let me explain with an example. You are at a party and another man is trying to hit on your woman. You feel threatened by this. A fear arises within you that your woman could be stolen away by another man. Why do you feel this? Because you have low self esteem, no sense of self worth and do not believe that you are satisfying the emotional needs of your woman. You fear that she could be swept away by another man at any time. The other man hitting on your women creates the feeling of jealousy. This is the external circumstances or event that gives rise to the feeling of jealousy. The fear that your woman could leave you because you perceive yourself to not be good enough for her is insecurity. That feeling wasnt brought about by the other man, it was already within you. In a way you can compare jealousy and insecurity to chronic and acute pain. Chronic pain stays for a long time, just like insecurity. Acute pain is a result of an isolated event and quickly heals, just like jealousy. Once the cause for jealousy has been vanquished i.e. the other man is given his marching orders, the feelings subside relatively quickly. Insecurity however lives on within you. An insecure man is much more likely to experience jealousy. Somebody who was secure with himself and his relationship would not fear another man hitting on his woman. He would trust her to turn him away. In the rare case she did not it would turn out to be a blessing in disguise because it would reveal the fact that this woman was not a good match. A secure man is not afraid to lose his partner. Paradoxically this makes it less likely that he will as insecurity drives women away. That is not to say that secure men cannot experience bouts of jealousy from time to time. It happens. Perhaps your woman meets up with an old flame. While you are content and secure that she will be faithful seeing the two together may bring about some jealous thoughts. This is understandable. As long as the acute short term jealousy does not translate into long term chronic insecurity then there is minimal harm done. However of course it would be better to not feel jealousy at all. But insecurity is the emotion that is of bigger concern. It is the one that does the most damage.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:11:18 +0000
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