Journal entry 5 Well... I went 2 court & got them bs charges dropped against me. It was amazing... I didnt loose my cool, intrrupt or cry! I was asking god 4 the right words. I remember a scripture that says WHEN THEY TAKE U B4 JUDGES DO NOT PLAN WHAT U WILL SAY BUT ALLOW THE HOLY SPIRIT 2 GIVE U THE WORDS. or something like that. & all my evidence id brought 2 show, never needed it! U c... the thing about all this is... everything I was accused of was fabricated by my own family to kick me out of the house that I helped them 2 get :/ Now... I have every right 2 return home, but they have done so much lying & diabolical schemes 2 cause me the hardships I suffered this far! I was appalled at the odacity of my sister crying tho. It was like... really?? The judge prepared us 4 disappointment 2! Hell... I almost asked 4 more time... but god was like FINISH THIS HERE & NOW. So... I did. I really just told my side of the story & explained how my sister was manipulating the courts 2 get her way. Idk if the judge knew she was lying... but im glad the law prevented him from just taking sides without evidence! Idk what will happen next now... but I gotta get my belongings tho. I just hate all this bs! My sister lied her ass off but never brought any proof & that was y they dropped it. I think that god wanted me 2 leave tho. Cuz id been wanting 2 leave state. I just decided that... I have no need 2 cling 2 anything here anymore. I wanna build a new life & start over! Ive accomplished alot here In cali! Now I must touch the world! I know its gonna b hard. But, I know ima b ok. Cuz its what god wants from me. I know it more now than ever. I dont feel like I won. I feel more like I still lost... my family :/ I loved them all ... & now I dont have no reason 2 love. Its displaced :/ I hate the way people can b towards me. I used 2 think people wouldnt just attack u 4 no reason & do foul 2u unless u done dirt 2 them. & well I learned the hard way the worst spectrum of betrayal from loved ones! EVERY1s a potential enemy! Every1 can turn on a dime in an instant 4 their own self invented causes! I saw my own family devise evil & accomplish it against me. Although they didnt finish their course... they still accomplished what they set out 2do! I dont know how 2 react. I mean... I just have no clue what 2 do about it all. I tried for the last time 2 b family. I realize more than ever that im like joseph who dreamed that id b great & my family sold me in2 slavery, although I had been, I still embraced them with love ! They still found a way 2 despise me even when id helped them. It was hard 2 swallow... but, now im digesting this as best I can. & all I know is I know that gods got greater plans 4 me than being oppressed, enslaved or any other ugly thing my adversary has planned 4 me. All along I wanted 2 leave here... but I remained so long thinking I could have my children again. They r almost all grown & no sight of them still.... I havent lost faith, im just being realistic! I have allowed myself 2 cause my own pain by allowing myself 2 b held back from my own happiness 4 guilt! I have deprived myself of things cuz I wanted, 2 b with my children! Over 12yrs & they dont even know me anymore :/ Im ready 2 just let go of it all & live free! Not that I dont love them... I do! I just no longer can b here. I done it & its brought the same bs results everytime! So on 2 something new & get diffrent results!! Bottom line! I will miss folks... but ive gotta move on & do me!
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 04:41:54 +0000
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