Know it that a less knowledgeable brother or sister who fears Allah, and does not exceed the limits set by Him is better and greater than a knowledgeable bearded brother or a knowledgeable covered sister who does not fear Him and who exceeds them. How many thobed out and bearded brothers abuse/hit their wives but at the same time teach Arabic and Fiqh next door? How many niqaabi/hijaabi sisters who do dawah and call to Islam and sharia but do not fulfil their husbands rights at home or while he is away for work or dawah? This naturally puts a lot of brothers and sisters off potential marriages and brings about suspicion, doubt and fear in people especially what would otherwise look like practicing brothers or sisters. Then we find ourselves moaning about why our sisters and cousins fall in love with a particular man and blame bollywood culture for it or why a certain brother wants to delay his marriage saying hes picky for no reason when there are many sisters that are readily available. Its partly because of matters like this, and weve all heard a story from someone close to us who was a victim of a failed marriage based on a superficial, shallow, and cosmetic choice they made; sadly for being fooled by their knowledge or appearance. The case seems most relevant to sisters though, whos innate desire for companionship, and children would inevitably result in their personal authority and their obedience to their beloved parents to now transfer to a random brother they now need to look after and be obedient towards the rest of their lives. Dont pick people based on what they wear or what they say, but pick by assessing their taqwa, scrutinising consistency in their behaviour towards general people, obtain character testimonies by large groups of people who know them or interacted with them personally, and most of all pray to Allah Azzawajal for guidance and have tawakkul on him to give you what is best. The most difficult part though is that no human being is angelic and therefore looking for a blue print or one who has identical character to the best of the creation Rasulullah (SallAllahu Alayhi Wasalam) is impossible so every brother and sister will falter in areas at some point as expected. However, it is just understanding this properly; being able to differentiate between a lapse in character by someone who is islamic. and a consistent bad person who makes you think hes Islamic. We all have faults that require rectifying, but we all have choices to make that change or more importantly the choice to tie the knot. May Allah Azzawajal grant us fear of Him over everything else for most certainly Allah Azzawajal said: فَإِنَّ خَيْرَ الزَّادِ التَّقْوَى So the best provision is the fear of Allah. [2:197] Ibn Umar (RadyAllahu anhuma) said: قَالَ ابْنُ عُمَرَ: مَنِ اتَّقَى رَبَّهُ، وَوَصَلَ رَحِمَهُ، أُنْسِئَ لَهُ فِي عُمْرِهِ، وَثَرَى مَالُهُ، وَأَحَبَّهُ أَهْلُهُ. Ibn Umar said, Whoever has taqwa of his Lord and maintains ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, his wealth will be abundant, and his family will love him. (Adab al Mufrad - Hasan Sahih - Kitaab al Silat al Rahm) May Allah Azzawajal unite us all with those who are good for us and we are good for them, and remove from us those who are bad for us and we bad for them. This dunya is temporary; its relationships are temporary and the hereafter is what we strive for even marriage is a means to attaining this.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 11:48:43 +0000
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