Last Wednesday night, my guy, Rod Ellis, helped me realize something. The one thing i said when i went to prison was that i refused to become institutionalized to the point that i wouldnt know how to function in the world once i got out. I conquered that by leaps and bounds, however, there is one than one way to become institutionalized and thats what i realized while talking to my friend. I had no choice, and chose to be alone in the pen. I shut everyone out so i wouldnt have to deal with the stress and deal with the let downs so many others had to deal with, therefore institutionalizing myself......emotionally! Now that im semi-free and have a choice on whether or not i wanna be alone, and felt i had found that perfect one, who i am still being forced to stay away from, who for her own reasons may have had a change of heart, its rough. I couldnt figure it out until me and Rods conversation, but now i have. Do i wanna be alone, no. Do I still want that one, yes. But if it doesnt pan out, oh well. People make choices, some good, some bad, but at the end of the day, I gotta uninstitutionalize myself emotionally so that i can really be free and normal. Thank You Rod Ellis, you are a true friend who is wise beyond his years and I love you as if you were me booid brother!!!!!!!!
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 03:33:05 +0000
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