Last nite I feel asleep after crying myself to sleep. I was thinking about all the things I didnt get to say to u when u died. Thinking how all I really got to say goodbye to was ur hand. I didnt get the chance to be there and say how much I love u or all the things some people get to say to loved ones who r sick and dying. So many things went thru my head at the things I would of said how I would of held ur hand how I would of kissed u goodbye. It hurt so bad it made me cry. I so miss u son and it sucks that ur gone and Im here with ur sisters still living without u. There r times I feel like a walking zombie just here going thru the motions of life but half dead myself. For some reason Larry makes that all go away. Im not just a zombie with him Im able to breath. Its easier to bare when Im with him. Im so glad hes in my life I dont know where Id be without him. Life is hard enough right now I dont think I could be all that good to anyone without him in my life. I talked to Tim today and started to see somethings about my life that I didnt see before. To say it was an eye opener is an understatement. Crazy the things Ive lived thru. I guess most of it I never really gave that much thought to. And we havent even gotten to the things with u and ur sister yet. I see Tim again on Thursday so we will see how that goes. I truly like him I feel comfortable with him. I dont feel like I have to hide anything from him or that he judges me like other councilors have made me feel in the past. He is a good councilor and a good guy. Well son I need to go and get some sleep. I love u buddy and see u in my dreams!
Posted on: Tue, 22 Oct 2013 05:35:34 +0000
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