Lets see... * 7,000 Batman characters. All different shapes, sizes and intelligence levels. Apparently, we should blame Ben Affleck for this abomination. * On the flipside, the creativity was pretty good. Some notables: Ice Bucket Challenge Man (he had a bucket over his head attached to a self-contained hose line, continually dumping water on him), Renee Zellweger in 20 years (he was just a large guy in a wig) and Lance Armstrong (stuck in his arm was a hypodermic needle full of Nutella... wait for it...). * One girl was seen at the BEGINNING of the night crying her eyes out as she walked with her friend from Hi-Fi. She is wearing a costume that had ears, whiskers, spots and a tail. Curiosity was killing us, so we moved closer to eavesdrop. WAAAAHHH! This sucks! They are sooo mean! I am a cheetah... and they said I look like a cat! Umm... what?!! The last time we checked, a cheetah was... Nevermind. Lets us be the first to say that if our future hinges upon the stellar brainpower of this young feline, then well opt for the next shuttle to space. * OK guys, stuffing socks in your underwear to create the Crotch Avatar effect is as old as the dawn of time. But, with these new skin-tight morphsuit costumes, that option isnt gonna work well. Clearly, you are as skinny as a rail with a massive, tightly rolled prominence sticking from your nether region. You think youre Dirk Diggler... she thinks youre smuggling a cinnamon roll. Do us all a favor... stick to the Harry Potter costumes. At least, he gets to play with his thin wand in public. * Obviously, the clothing and costuming industries sell more fishnet tights during the month of October than any other time of the year. For some ridiculous reason, women feel that the correct way to make any Disney character look slutty is by putting them on. But ladies, please remember that fishnet is full of holes. On purpose. So, we can see that youre trying to cover up the fact that you havent shaved your stems since Spring Break. Now, it just looks like you have Teen Wolfs legs trapped in a cargo net. * Why on Earth are people still dressing up as Power Rangers? Unless youre in elementary school (or happen to have worked on the show and still have your wardrobe), this needs to stop. Between Epic Café and Congress, we counted 58 Rangers. Hopefully, these people do realize that the show is just new not-so-good actors fighting to footage that was made in Japan back in 1975. We saw several plump Rangers whose body-hugging uniforms looked that they had taken a MegaVoid. * Please try your costumes on next year BEFORE your buy them. The number of hilariously ill-fitting costumes out there was staggering. One My Little Pony costume shouldnt be stretched over a frame that more resembles the entire Kentucky Derby. And finally... wearing a costume is not an excuse to NOT wear undergarments. Dear lord... some of the things that were swinging and clanging out there. Just because you dressed like a superhero doesnt mean you have the magical power to make those things move back up to where they used to be. Or that you can prevent those horrible smells. Trick or Treat shouldnt involve watery eyes and flared nostrils. You want to avenge something? Avenge the deaths of all of the nasal cells we just lost by walking behind you.
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 01:30:19 +0000
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