Lifeletter #81 I See You We humans are complex creatures. We have many dimensions. Each one of us is a house with many rooms, a castle, a universe. We have layers of desires and needs, which change as we grow and evolve. In order to thrive, in order to become our true selves, there are certain messages we need to hear from each other. Once we have received and digested these messages, we can grow through and beyond these needs and desires, to a truer and more expanded way of being. These messages or communications are simple. They are not really words, not really ideas. They are direct transmissions, from the heart, from the centre of who we are: “You are loved and you belong here.” “You are safe here.” “I acknowledge and appreciate your contributions, what you have given us.” “You are forgiven.” In all my years of coaching and mentoring, there is one message, one key communication, that seems to make the biggest impact, and create the deepest healing. Its the simplest one of all: I see you. In my work with couples, individuals and communities, a great deal of the pain, conflict and separation falls away as soon as a person experiences that they are being seen. Or truly heard. For some people, its a life changing experience. But heres the rub, heres the paradox, heres the crazy way this seems to work: we long to be seen and we are deeply afraid of it, too. Just like love. We think we want love more than anything, and when we face the prospect of really opening to deep love, it can be the most fearful thing that ever happened to us. Heres how Rob Brezny talks about this: I got an e-mail from a beauty and truth fan who calls himself Drek, Agent of the Future. How come, in the long list of human fears, showing ones true self is never included? Drek mused. Compared to the electrifying and terrifying prospect of shedding our protective masks and expressing our raw souls, snakes and death and public speaking really dont seem that scary. No wonder its so hard to be a human being. The connection we most deeply long for is the one we are running from, a great deal of the time. How can I ever fully receive your I see you if I cant reveal myself to you? And how can I say I see you to myself, if I dont become radically transparent to who I am? To open to this possibility takes courage. We have to be willing to risk something. We have to be ready to give up those needs and desires that rule us at other stages of development—the desire for comfort, security, safety, recognition and belonging. Those needs and desires are totally appropriate at certain stages of our development. And if we hold on to them for too long, we become like a river that gets stuck. Instead of a beautiful flow, theres just a small trickle. Namaste, that sacred greeting that touches so many westerners when they arrive in India, is this same essential message: “I see you.” I see the God in you, the Divine in you. And that includes everything. Everything. I see that which is magnificent, I see that which is small and trembling. I see that which is loving, I see that which is contracted and fearful. I see the light and I see the shadows in you. Who wants to be seen like this? Who wants to see like this? To open wide enough to see all of it. In you, and in me. We have magnificence in us, and we often hide from that. We dumb ourselves down and pretend that to recognize our own greatness would be arrogance. We have darkness in us too, and we turn our heads away from that. We all play this game with ourselves and with each other—its a cultural contract, not just an individual one. So we end up in a grey place, a middle zone, that is safe and kind of numb. An in-between place. Not very vivid, not very real. Kind of like a waiting room. Well, guess what friends—we werent mean to live here. We were not born for this. Lets leave the waiting room and enter the river of life. Not Here Theres courage involved if you want to become truth. There is a broken- open place in a lover. Where are those qualities of bravery and sharp compassion in this group? Whats the use of old and frozen thought? I want a howling hurt. This is not a treasury where gold is stored, this is for copper. We alchemists look for talent that can heat up and change. Lukewarm wont do. Halfhearted holding back, well-enough getting by? Not here. —Rumi with love Shayla
Posted on: Wed, 30 Oct 2013 16:11:58 +0000
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