Limericks!!! There was a young fellow called Binn Who was so excessively thin That when he essayed To drink lemonade He slipped through the straw and fell in. Ive done it; Ive done mown the lawn, But my muscles are aching and torn. I could swear there are some In my legs and my bum Ive not used since the year I was born. A young gourmet dining at Crewe Found a rather large mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, Dont shout And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one, too. Amazingly, antelope stew Is supposedly better for you Than a goulash of rat Or Hungarian cat; But I guess that you probably gnu. Limericks I cannot compose With noxious smells in my nose; But this one was easy I only felt queasy Because I was sniffing my toes. The incredible Wizard of Oz Retired from his business becoz Due to up-to-date science, To most of his clients, He wasnt the Wizard he woz. A mosquito was heard to complain, A chemist has poisoned my brain! The cause of his sorrow was paradichloro- triphenyldichloroethane. There once was a girl named Irene, who lived on distilled kerosene. But she started absorbin A new hydrocarbon, And since then has never benzene! The shoes of old Eskimo Joe Fell apart as he walked in the snow. Have you needle and thread? I enquired, but he said, No, igloo them not sew them, you know. Im papering walls in the loo And quite frankly I havent a clue; For the patterns all wrong (Or the papers too long) And Im stuck to the toilet with glue. A crossword compiler named Moss Who found himself quite at a loss When asked, “Why so blue?” Said, “I haven’t a clue I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.” There once was an old man of Esser, Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser, It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all And now hes a college professor. A cheerful old bear at the Zoo Could always find something to do. When it bored him, you know, To walk to and fro, He reversed it and walked fro and to. There was a young fellow named Weir, Who hadnt an atom of fear. He indulged a desire To touch a live wire. (Most any last line will do here!) Id rather have Fingers than Toes; Id rather have Ears than a Nose; And as for my Hair, Im glad its all there: Ill be awfully said, when it goes. Here lies a young salesman named Phipps, Who married on one of his trips, A widow named Block, Then died of the shock, When he saw there were six little chips. As a beauty I am not a star, There are others more handsome by far; But my face -- I dont mind it, For I am behind it; Its the people in front that I jar. There was a young lady from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They came back from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger. There was an old man of Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket; But his daughter, named Nan Ran away with a man -- And as far as the bucket, Nantucket. There was a young lady of Munich, Whose appetite simply was unich, Theres nothing like a food, She contentedly cooed, As she let out three tucks in her tunic. There was a young lady of Kent, Whose nose was most awfully bent. She followed her nose One day, I suppose -- And no one knows which way she went. There was an old fellow named Green, Who grew so abnormally lean, And flat, and compressed, That his back touched his chest, And sideways he couldnt be seen. A canny young fisher named Fisher Once fished from the edge of a fissure. A fish with a grin Pulled the fisherman in --- Now theyre fishing the fissure for Fisher.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 08:58:08 +0000
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