Love this. Also posted some replies to what this blogger had to earth. MY opinion....very well put. Thank you sir Search « Previous ← Older Comments The Matt Walsh Blog Absolute Truths (and alpaca grooming tips) **Facebook/MattWalshBlog Leave a Reply Your email address will notbe published. Required fields are marked * Post Comment Post Comment Notify me of follow-up comments via email. View Full Site Now Available! Download WordPress for Android Blog at WordPress. Share this: Like this: 286 bloggers like this. Like September 15, 2013 1,320 Replies Dear parents, you need to control your kids. Sincerely, non-parents To the fan I lost yesterday: I don’t owe you an explanation, but I thought I’d offer one anyway. I do this more for your sake than mine. You see, maybe, as you later suggested, I was in a bad mood. Maybe I could have been a bit more polite about it. Maybe I’m more sensitive to it now that I have kids. Maybe I’m just sick of hearing these comments about parents. Maybe I know that my wife has to take the twins with her when she goes grocery shopping sometimes, so she could easily be on the receiving end of your sort of bullying. Maybe I took it personally. Whatever the case, there I was, walking down the aisles of the grocery store looking for the ingredients for a new chili recipe I wanted to try. I heard the kid screaming from a distance; the whole store heard him. It was a temper tantrum, a meltdown, a hissy fit — it happens. Toddlers are notorious for losing their cool at the most inconvenient times. Nobody likes to hear it, but it happens. You’re out running errands with your little guy, everything is fine, and next thing you know he’s in full-on rabid poodle mode. It’s humiliating and emotionally draining, but what can you do? Pull out that large glass sound proof aquarium you carry around and stick your kid in it so nobody can hear him shriek? That’s a possibility, but the logistics don’t always work. Slightly more realistically, the peanut gallery probably expects you to drop all of your groceries and immediately run into the parking lot, so as to save them from having to deal with the spectacle. But it’s not always that simple; maybe you don’t have time to shut down the whole operation just because Billy’s gone nuclear. It wasn’t that simple for the mother of this kid. I finally came across her in the beans aisle. She had a cart full of groceries, a kid riding along, and another one walking beside her. Well, he wasn’t really walking so much as convulsing and thrashing about like he’d invented some bizarre, angry interpretive dance. He was upset about something, from what I gathered it had to do with a certain lucky cereal he wished to acquire, but which his mother refused to purchase. I felt his pain, poor guy. My mom never bought me sugary cereal either — “breakfast candy,” she called it. She used to get us Cheerio’s — “breakfast cardboard,” I called it. I felt the woman’s pain even more. She could bribe her kid into silence, but she was sticking to her guns. Good for her, I thought. Sure, if she’d only meet his ransom demands, my bean purchasing experience would be a bit more pleasurable, but I was rooting for her nonetheless. Not everyone felt the same way, apparently. I’d met you a few minutes earlier. You told me you were a fan. We spoke for a moment, you seemed nice enough. Then we crossed paths again there by the beans and the screaming toddler. I guess you thought we were friends, you thought you could confide in me your deepest thoughts. You glanced toward the mother and the kid, then at me, rolled your eyes and said in a loud voice: “Man, some people need to learn how to control their f**king kids.” The lady could definitely hear you, but I guess that was your intention. You had this expression like you were expecting a high five. “Yeah, put it here, dude, you really told that young mother and her three year old off! Nice!” Is that how you thought I’d respond? What is it about me that made you think I would react that way? You’re the second stranger in the last few months to say something like that to me about a mom with a tantrum-throwing toddler. Yeah, I didn’t respond the way you anticipated. Instead, I offered my own helpful suggestion: “Man, some people need to learn how to shut their mouths, watch their language, and mind their own business.” You looked at me like I hurt your feelings, then you muttered some choice words under your breath — as cowards are wont to do — and walked away. Later that day you sent me an email, threatening to tell everyone that I’m “abusive” and “crappy” to my listeners. Well, now I’m one step ahead of you. Now, everyone knows about my shameful “abuse.” Let them decide who’s the bully: the guy who vulgarly insults a woman while she’s dealing with a difficult child, or the guy who tells the guy who insulted the woman to shut up and go away? After you left, injury was quickly added to insult when her kid bumped into a display and knocked a bunch of stuff onto the ground. I started to help pick it all up, but she said she wanted her son to do it because he’s the one who made the mess. Touché, madam. Nicely played. A lot of people would buckle under the pressure of having sonny going psycho in aisle 7, while, seemingly, the whole world stops to gawk and scrutinize, but this lady stayed cool and composed. It was an inspiring performance, and it’s too bad you missed the point because your feeble mind can only calculate the equation this way: misbehaving child = BAD PARENT. I’m no math major, but that calculus makes no sense. A kid going berserk at a grocery store doesn’t indicate the quality of his parents, anymore than a guy getting pneumonia after he spends six hours naked in the snow indicates the quality of his doctor. Grocery stores are designed to send children into crying fits. All of the sugary food, the bright packaging, the toys, the candy — it’s a minefield. The occasional meltdown is unavoidable, the real test is how you deal with it. This mother handled it like a pro. She was like mom-ninja; she was calm and poised, but stern and in command. See, I figure there are two types of people who mock and criticize parents whose children throw tantrums in public. The first is — from what I gathered based on your age (you looked about 19? 20, perhaps?) and what you said in your follow up email — your type: the non-parent who thinks, if they ever have kids, they’ll discover the secret formula that will prevent their hypothetical son or daughter from ever crying in front of other people. Then they promptly scrutinize and chastise real parents for not having this fake, imaginary, impossible, non existent formula. This sort of non-parent doesn’t realize that, unless they plan on using a muzzle and a straightjacket, there is nothing they can do to tantrum-proof their toddler. Fine. Ignorant non-parents, who don’t know what they’re talking about, imposing ridiculous standards on actual parents because it makes them feel superior. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. As bad as you people are, you’re not nearly as horrible as the second type: actual parents with grown children who judge other parents, as if they haven’t been in the exact same situation many times. I had an older guy complain to me recently about babies that cry during church. He said: “Back when our children were babies, you didn’t have this problem.” Interesting. Apparently babies didn’t cry in the 50′s. The whole “crying baby” thing is a new fad, it would seem. These folks who had kids a long time ago seem to have a rather selective memory when it comes to their own days of parenting young kids. They also tend to dismiss the fact that modern parenting presents unique challenges, some of which didn’t apply several decades ago. I always love the older folks who lecture about how THEIR kids weren’t as “attached to electronics” as kids are nowadays. That’s probably true, but mainly because, well, YOU DIDN’T HAVE ELECTRONICS. You had a toaster and a black and white TV with 2 channels, both of which were pretty easy to regulate. But, sure, congratulations for not letting your kids use things that didn’t exist. On that note, I have a strict “no time machines or hover-boards” policy in my home. It is stringently enforced. I’m thinking of writing a parenting book: “How to Stop Your Child From Becoming Dependent Upon Technology That Isn’t Invented Yet” Anyway, listen, I don’t think you, of all people, should be telling other folks what they “need to learn.” If you just shut up and paid attention, you’d realize that YOU could learn plenty from mothers like the one we both encountered yesterday. I know I have lots and lots to learn as a young parent, which is why I’m always prepared for a more experienced parent to take me to school and teach me a thing or two, even if they don’t know they’re doing it. Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do. You shouldn’t scrutinize parents when you aren’t one, for the same reason I wouldn’t sit and heckle an architect while he draws up the blueprint for a new skyscraper. I know that buildings generally aren’t supposed to fall down, but I don’t have the slightest clue as to how to design one that won’t, so I’ll just keep my worthless architectural opinions to myself. That’s a strategy you might consider adopting. In any event, it was nice meeting you. About these ads Twitter 513 Facebook 10K+ Name Email Website Comment Julie on September 16, 2013 at 12:55 pm Right on! I loved this! Reply Priscilla Files on September 16, 2013 at 12:56 pm The biggest issue I see here, is that you were buying beans for chili?!!! Real chili doesn’t have beans in it…see rule #1. chilicookoff/Event/event_rules.asp Reply Marcus on September 16, 2013 at 12:57 pm “They also tend to dismiss the fact that modern parenting presents unique challenges, some of which didn’t apply several decades ago.” The only challenge present today that did not exist before is that you can no longer spank your kid’s ass without fear of being seen as an abuser or going to jail. The single most effective tool for behavior modification has been taken away, and society is sorely suffering as a result. One good ass whoopin is all it takes – the mere threat of such is enough to control the situation afterwards. Reply kelli hansen on September 16, 2013 at 12:57 pm Some people never realize that maybe the child is autistic or handicapped mentally and it’s very hard to get them under control as well. Too many people have made it hard for parents to teach and discipline their kids, especially in public. People are too worried about others instead of themselves and what THEY need to do to make themselves a better person and a help to others! You rock in my opinion!!! Reply Liz on September 16, 2013 at 12:57 pm Awesome! You just gained a fan! Reply Darlene on September 16, 2013 at 12:58 pm You’ve gained another fan. Well said my friend! So true, said I the mom of two girls aged 4 and 2. Been in that moms position, wish you had been there for me too! Reply Rebecca on September 16, 2013 at 12:58 pm I’m not a parents, but I understand the difficulty of parenting more than most (long story), and I honestly appreciated this post Thanks for standing up for that mom and sending the “non-parent” packing! you just got yourself a new fan. Reply morethanacouponqueen on September 16, 2013 at 12:59 pm This post was spot on. I have encountered countless people like the one you mentioned while parenting my children. Thank you for standing up for that mom. It may have been just the dose of encouragement she needed in that moment to keep fighting the good fight against a crazed little person! Reply Sheila on September 16, 2013 at 12:59 pm You forgot a group that judges parents. The ‘I have kids (younger) and they will never behave that way’ group. Sadly, I’m a part of this group struggling to get out of said group. Reply Laura Perez on September 16, 2013 at 12:59 pm Bravo!! Bravo. I can’t tell you how much I truly agree with everything you said….I have 4 kids. They are all an extreme delight and so different from each other. I have the sweet obedient daughter, the rebel teen, the out of control, psychotic, tantrum throwing 2 year old, and the sweetest baby on earth. They all keep me busy. I have gotten so many looks for the 2 year old….it truly is sad. Humanity, where did it go? Reply RocDoc on September 16, 2013 at 1:00 pm Very well written! Perfect! Now more of a fan than ever! Reply rosedowns on September 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm Reblogged this on Downs Family and commented: I like his candidness. Reply Karen on September 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm You rock! I remember a sweet little old woman patting my son on the head in a grocery store and looking at him with such pity because she heard me say impatiently, “you need to stop talking.”. I really had to resist the urge to tell her that I had been conversing with him and patiently listening to him discuss every dinosaur that ever existed and exactly what period they came from for about an hour and now I just needed to think. Not quite as dramatic as your experience but I did feel the sting of being judged. Reply Jamie on September 16, 2013 at 1:04 pm Thank you so much for posting this. I have an autistic kid, who like most Austin kids ,looks normal.i can’t tell you ow many times we have been in Walmart or another store and it has been too much input for our daughter and she has had a severe melt down… To make it worse I can tell you almost every one of those times someone had something to say…like ” my kid just needs a goos ass whipping” . Who knows what kind of issues a kid may have, even if they appear normal. I wish more people would be as compassionate as you. Thank you
Posted on: Mon, 16 Sep 2013 17:17:56 +0000
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