Midwest Diary 100% chance of rain. 100%? Thats pretty definite. The bits of the hurricane will be coming along at some point today. Possible tornados too. Joan Rivers died and I was surprised how saddened I was by that. Some football player I never heard of nearly murdered his girlfriend by punching her so hard in the face, she was knocked out unconscious to the floor. I cannot help and I cannot change these things. It has taken nearly my entire life to be ok with that. We all have defining events in our childhood that seem to hardwire in how we view the world, deal with people, and negotiate change later in life. Grrlstudent. One of the harder things I left in Silicon Valley was Grrlstudent. Occasionally I will get a job that starts out as one thing and becomes another. I was working at a preschool with other classrooms on campus. The parents noticed me for my fun energy and understanding of the kids, I noticed the parents when early on the dad, with Grrlstudent in tow, went from classroom to classroom, beaming with joy to announce that the adoption of Grrlstudent had gone through and she was fully his daughter now. Six months later he passed away on a business trip. I cannot change this. The father had asked me to come in and work on alphabet letters, numbers, colouring and help her with her handwriting. At the time, I thought this was a typical Silicon Valley parent, concerned that their child do well in the competitive atmosphere. It was much more than that. Grrlstudent started life in a Russian orphanage. She was adopted by a couple who, although had children, wanted one more and thought that they could not naturally attain that anymore. It often takes two trips to adopt a child. On the first trip to the Russian orphanage, they fell in love with Grrlstudent. The second trip was a rescue mission. The mother found she was pregnant and there are rules against adoption at this point. The orphanage was horrifying. A staff member held Grrlstudent upside down by one leg to prove to the parents that she did not have diaper rash. Grrlstudent was 3 yrs old. She has now lived with that family for 8 months. She speaks no English and is operating in survival mode. She is wild and the parents fear she may accidentally injure the baby about to be born. Desperate calls are made. One night Grrlstudents mom-to-be recieves a call from an organization she has been involved with asking if she can immediately take a long term emergency placement of a child. She and her husband say yes and Grrlstudent now has new parents and a brother who is 7 years older. A little more than a year later, I come into the picture. Grrlstudent speaks perfect English. She is hyper-active but she is also five. Thats pretty normal in my book. Her parents are in their 50s and are typical of a healthy, active lifestyle. I am all for the trend of parenting in your 40s and 50s. People have the resources and life experience behind them to share. I think adoption is the greatest thing ever too. Over the next few months I am very impressed by the strength of the parents. They handle the challenges that are presented by Grrlstudent with a intelligence and love. She is turning into one cool kid. It was great when I realized both parents loved music as much as I do and their collection included my favs of the past like Violent Femmes, Gang of Four, the Replacements, Nirvana, and an extensive jazz collection. The call came in early morning. The father was found dead by natural causes while on a business trip in Europe. The driver had come to take him to the airport and there was no response from the room. I learned of Grrlstudents origins after her dad passed away. She has had a lifetime of pain in 5 short years. I discover that although she remembers her first adoptive family, like a shadow, she has no memory of Russia or the fact that she once spoke Russian. But she did tell me once, a memory ..she was very young and does not know where she was. She is hugging a tree and it is very, very cold. Over the years, I work with her. Reteaching what is taught in the classroom each day. Her ADHD has now derailed her concentration. In another time and place this sort of energy would be an asset. We read stories about pioneers. She decides to take up viola (in some Silicon Valley schools orchestra still exists) and I give her little private lessons. Playing her parts so she can hear, singing them, (if you can sing it you can play it!) counting it out with her. After two years she is tired of viola but her mothers and my enthusiasm for music has rubbed off. She is bringing songs she has discovered for me to hear. She discovered Bob Dylan one day and had to show me. I know to ask her questions about music rather than pontificate about thegood old days.. She can teach me why she likes Bob Dylan. She became fascinated with my electric guitar and I gave one to her for her 12th birthday. With an amp and enthusiasm, I taught her the heres 4 chords, now go start a band theory of rock. Also I taught her relative tuning. (relative tuning is great for kids). Some sort of dam burst open. After 3 months she started showing me song after song she had written about her father, loss, and some sort of remorse she feels ...because at 5 yrs old she was too little to understand. She desperately wanted to change and make things better for her mom. Grrlstudent brings her guitar to school now. She is proud of her songs. Her friends praise her for them and a teacher will play guitar with her during lunch. There are some things I can help. Sometimes we can make things a little better.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 16:34:11 +0000
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