Much of the music we hear on the radio and stories we see at the movies have many of us thinking its romantic to believe that there is someone out there, who is uniquely equipped to make us happy and that it is unrealistic to expect that we can find happiness without them. In fact, trying to doing so would be an exercise in futility. The problem is that all NEEDS, without exception, come with a FEAR that they may not be met. Fear is not conducive to love. Fear actually insulates us from love. We take steps to guard ourselves against whatever we fear. We place walls between us and it and sabotage bridges so that it cant cross over to us. NEED breeds dependency. Dependency often breeds resentment. I can see it in my own kids when Elijah is trying to establish his independence by putting on his own pajamas or buckling himself in his car seat. Even as young children we instinctively strive to be self-sufficient, in fact, although we dont know it at that age, our ability to have healthy relationships with others depends on it. It took me thirty something years to figure out that finding love first starts with loving yourself in the deeper sense of understanding and accepting who and what you are. An analogy I like to use for love is that of an excavator digging a whole in the Earth. The deeper you understand and accept yourself, the deeper the hole, the more it can hold. When your understanding and acceptance of self barely scratches the surface, the hole is easier to fill, but your relationships tend to be much more shallow. In short, you determine the depth of your relationships by how deeply you love yourself. No one is perfect, not you, not anyone. Ask yourself, how realistic is it to expect to love someone else in spite of their flaws if you dont first love yourself in spite of your own? Its only when you understand that you dont need anyone else to be happy that you are in the right place mentally and spiritually to be truly open to loving, completely, and without reservations. Only then is there no fear of a NEED not being met. Only then does the magic that you hear in the music and see in the movies happen. And in my case, it was not a minute before.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 11:45:11 +0000
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