Musicians Definitions BANDSTAND: The area farthest away from an electrical outlet. BIG BAND: Nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians. PIT JOB: A prison sentence disguised as a gig. CABARET: A venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town. CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: Gods way of telling you that youve practiced too much. CATERER: A man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled. CLASSICAL COMPOSER: A man ahead of his time and behind in the rent. CLUBDATER: Gods way of telling you that you didnt practice enough. CRUISE SHIP WORK: A gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up. DJ: The guy your son would rather have play for his Bar Mitzvah. DOUBLE BASS: The instrument the folks footing the bill feel is unnecessary. DOWNBEAT: The magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working. ELECTRIC PIANO: The instrument that enables its player to pay for the hernia he sustained lifting it. HOTEL PIANIST: A guy who looks good in a tux. JAZZ: The only true American art form beloved by Europeans. JAZZ FESTIVAL: An event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad. LYRIC: That part of a tune known only by singers. MELLOPHONE: An instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp. MOVIE COMPOSER: Someone who can write like anyone except himself. NEW AGE: A musical substitute for Valium. NEW YEARS EVE: The night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise. ORCHESTRATOR: The musician who enhances a composers music, only to be chastised for it. PERCUSSIONIST: A drummer who cant swing. PERFECT PITCH: The ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune. PIANIST: An archaic term for a keyboard player. PRODIGY: A kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series. RARE VIOLIN: A Stradivarius, not to be confused with a rare violinist, which is someone over four foot eleven. SIDEMAN: The appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich. STAFF MUSICIAN: Harder to locate than a cavity in the Osmond family. STEADY ENGAGEMENT: Look up in Websters Dictionary under the word obsolete. UNION REP: A guy who thinks big bands are coming back. VERSE: The part of a tune thats disposable, except to its composer. WURLITZER: The Ford Pinto of pianos. YANNI: A man blessed with great hair for music.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 08:50:24 +0000
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