My heart is hurting. More than it has in several months. But now the pain of everything seems to be surfacing as grief for one loss turns into many. I have lost so much this year, a partnership in raising a child broken into a solo occupation for myself to take on, my daughters first home, my vehicle, my pitbull hulk, and today my cat Lola. I want to scream, smash things, and rage. Maybe have a irrational night and do what my husband does and find comfort in strangers and hotels. One night to pretend like my daughter, animals, and responsibilities dont exist!!!! But even if my broken family stood up and offered to take her off my hands I wouldnt be able to let her go. Because I find comfort in her, my dogs, my kitty cat Kush. These beings make me feel like I have a purpose, more than any man ever could. I learned what true love was by giving birth to my daughter, and through her I have found strength and serenity.. Even when our world had fallen apart and our lives were packed away in a U-Haul I fought to keep my pack together and my family alive, so its only right to let them go when God is calling their name. I know Lola and Hulk are happy, free and safe from this chaotic world but the rest of us will move forward always remembering their presence in our lives as they live on in our hearts. My animals are my family, because this year I had it embedded into my soul that blood doesnt make family, decisions do. If I ever complain about the weight I carry doing it all on my own feel free to remind me I could still be stuck in Odessa Tx with my violent crazy cheating husband. So ay life aint so bad is it?
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 23:43:16 +0000
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