My son is 22. Hes 62, and built like an athlete, and wears a fro like Huey from the Boondocks. If you dont talk to him, he looks intimidating. If you talk to him, you realize hes intelligent, peaceful and charming. He lives in Johnstown and I live in MD. JPD isnt known for its respect of diversity. There are SOME wearing the badge there that would make assumptions based on appearance (and have done so), and him walking around my hometown scares me to no end. Not because of the increase of violence in Johnstown -- he stays pretty close to home, which isnt where stuff has been popping off. But the JPD goes through every neighborhood. Im afraid one night, hes going to go to Sheetz, and hes going to look like someone who might have done something somewhere else, and any attempt to defend his honor or innocence would be viewed as an act of aggression. Instead of coming home with a bag of Skittles, he could come home in a body bag. These are the thoughts I live with as the mother of a Black man in America. It gets so bad that Im sometimes on the verge of panic. I call him to check on him, and hes like Find your inner chill, Ma. Ive been on Xbox all day. The fear takes up mental real estate I could be using in better ways. There is space in his brain dedicated to the act of appearing non aggressive. He could be using that space to create a masterpiece, to stop global warming, to find a cure for Ebola, to make the world a better place. My son and I are not unique. My worries dont stop with him. My school has hundreds of students just like him who, in some instances, are considered a threat by their very existence. What the hell do you do as a 14 year old carrying that baggage. How do you carry yourself with dignity knowing that that can be considered an act of aggression? This is the atmosphere that we live in, and were treated as though we have a character flaw if we dont thrive. We didnt pick this shit, it picked us.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 03:03:48 +0000
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