My story of how God touched my broken life and changed it forever .I had received the worst news of my life on July 10th 1999. I had gotten the news that my oldest son was in a car crash. When my husband and I had arrived at the hospital .They lead us to this little room where they broke the news to us. They told us our son was already gone .I had asked to see him and then, they walked me down a long hallway and into another room where my sons body was laying .I wanted to see him ,because in the back of my head I was thinking that this could not happen to my son or me. The hope I was holding onto thinking that they had made a mistake came to a end, when I stepped into the room. My first born son lay still with no life left to him. My heart filled with a horrible pain and my stomach hurt like labor pains from having him. My body shook with the shock of seeing him laying there. I looked at the nurse and told her yes he is my son I also told her that it is his 23rd. birthday today and you are not suppose to die on your birthday . She looked at me with compassion and said no that is not suppose to happen to us. She asked me if I wanted a few private moments with him and I said yes please. I looked at my son and I touched his face and then I whispered in his ear that I love you always and I will never forget about you either. I then asked God again to please save my son and help me. I also ask him to help me to let him go. A Chaplin knocked on the door then came in to the room to see if he could help me. I talked with him a few moments. Then I kiss my sons cheek and said good bye to my son. Then I walked out of the little room and stepped right into the valley of death. My mind, heart, body and spirit was lost in the pain and sorrow of losing my first born son. For a year in a half I only went to my sons grave everyday and just set there. I would read my bible and ask God to help me to find my way out of the valley I was lost in. I started seeking God with all my strength that I had ,because I felt as if I was dying from the pain and sorrow and depression that had a hold of my life. I knew Jesus died for us to be saved in heaven, but I was needing for him to save me here and now in this life. My son died on his 23rd birthday and that just made me read Psalms 23 over and over only because that was the scripture that is always read at funerals and I knew it. The scripture kept talking to my spirit and telling me to trust God to lead me out of the valley. That I shall not want of nothing if I follow him. So I started calling him on what his word said. I would say if you are with me then lead me to a better tomorrow and out of this valley of death. Take me into the light again because I feel as if I am lost in the darkness of this life. I feel as if I am dying here and cant find my way. I would cry out to God day and night to show me his presents here and now. I would go everyday to the cemetery, because I could not get my heart out of it. I would sit at his grave and read the bible and then cry out to God for help and use his word to call on his promises. During the first 2 years after my sons death I felt as if I battled with a enemy daily. The thoughts that came into my mind was enough to drive you crazy. I learned to do war fare against the enemy on a daily, but only with trusting on Gods promises of hope that was found in his word to bring me through the battles against the enemy. The pain would get so deep that I would cry out to God for help. It was then and only then would I find peace of mind to even sleep at night. The enemy was beating me down everyday with the thoughts that he cast in my mind. Some of the things that I would hear in my head was things like this, You will never see your son again, God is not real you are just kidding yourself, what you have no more tears for your death son, it is your fault that he died, because you did not teach him the right, .These and so many more. I learned to fight back by trusting and walking by faith in Jesus Christ which was fueled by the hope of seeing my son again in heaven one day when it was my turn to leave this life. John 3:16 was my power verse that I stood on for months in my battle against the enemy. Depression was a tool of the enemy and I refused to let it take my hope away so I read the bible more and more everyday. The power of believing in God was starting to take hold of my life and my pain and sorrow was starting to get easier to deal with on a daily. Then one day about 2 years after my sons death. I got invited to go to a ladys conference in Arizona. It was on learning the power of prayer for your life and others too. I went to this conference and I had asked God to touch me like I had never been touched before. I wanted him to confirm himself in me. I wanted to feel his power over my pain. Well needless to say that the holy spirit touched me so deeply that I was filled with the gift of tongues. When that weekend was over and it was time to go home. I felt the peace of the lord not only on me but in me too. I felt as if God had given my spirit life again. I was different then when I had arrived there. God had given me his seal of knowing he was real and that no one could ever take it from me either. My heart still hurt from the loss of my son, but the deep pain of him being killed was not like it had been. It had seem not as bad as it had been before. I received a healing in my soul that night. You see the lady that was preaching that night the holy spirit touched me. She was giving the message of prayer and heaven and what it meant to us. From that day God touched me I knew that I could make it out of the valley I had been in for a while. It was still a long battle against the enemy, but I knew that I had the power to over come it all, only because I had God leading the way for me. When I arrived back home I felt stronger to fight the enemy and his traps and thoughts. I made a promise to God that if he lead me out of that valley of darkness and death. That I would serve him for the rest of my days here. I never thought that I would ever feel joy or happiness again, but that is not so, because the joy of the lord is my strength to this day. It is his promises in his word that gave me hope and happiness to travel on in this life and into that better tomorrow that I seek only through my lord Jesus Christ. It is his gospel that gave me life again here. Thank you Jesus for saving me.! So until we meet again Meet again my son. I love you. Just a word to say that God moves through something so horrible and makes something good from it. Through the death of my son I got saved with him. There are so many things to talk about in this last 15 years that God has done for me that I could not put them on this paper. I would need to write a book ! Just look at me now and know it was all God who made the change in me...! Thank You Jesus for saving us.
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 17:04:24 +0000
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