NEW YEARS DIET COMES A LITTLE EARLY THIS YEAR... I went shopping a few days back with my lovely stressed out bride for the first time in three years. I’m not so terribly adverse to shopping, I just have a really bad knee and ankle left over from an unsuccessful union between my ten speed bike and a two ton Jeep that left a stark reminder that I can’t walk for hours. I do win the “best scar” contest hands down at my annual family reunion, whipping my Uncle John’s Ax to the forehead by a country mile, so there is an upside. I’m a former college football player (yes, I graduated) and I tell you that so you’ll know I’m a big fellow, handsome yet humble, with much gray hair and a beard. My story set up is to tell you what transpired at the mall this week. I had decided to find a bench to sit on while my bride finished up her quest to find the right gift for our two-year old grandson. I told her that a giant box would make him happy and was quickly met with what I call the “Merry Christmas laser beam look of death” meaning I might as well get comfortable; it was going to be a while. I found that seat, sat and watched the massive throng of people conducting their commerce, most looking unhappy save for a few. There were lots of kids looking like they were in a wintry toy/Christmas heaven despite their parents’ protests for them to keep up. I sat and pondered my new year’s resolutions, one of which was to lose weight. I am looking jolly right now and 50 pounds off would probably do me a world of good. My confirmation of that resolution was about to reveal itself. I was sitting with my cell phone reading an email, when in my peripheral I noticed a young boy, maybe seven, blonde, looking like a “rounder” from the twinkle in his eye. This young man, I noticed, looked exceptionally concerned as we made eye contact and he edged closer. I did not engage him initially, knowing all the awful stories one might hear if a giant dude was caught talking to a kid in a mall. I for one didn’t want to end the year on one of the local TV stations for the wrong reason with “alleged” mentioned before my name was said. I did notice his mom, on a cell phone, and overheard her conversation with her husband concerning how crowded it was at he mall and the kids screaming and his parents coming for Christmas…and all the while the little kid is staring a hole through me, and edging closer and closer. Finally, he’s right up against me and I asked him if he might like to sit. “No, I only have a minute, but I need to tell you something” he trailed off, shuffling his feet as he looked down at them. “Shoot” I said, giving him the floor and permission to speak. “I know you’re taking a few days off before Christmas, but last week, when we talked at Macy’s, I told you I wanted Mario Brother’s Cart 3 for X-Box. I was wrong, I wanted HALO 4. My brother told me he’d beat me up if I asked for HALO 4, but I’m ready to fight him over it because it’s my Christmas present. So, HALO 4 is what I really want and the other stuff, just leave the same “ I sat there for a split second pondering, and as I pondered, I couldn’t help but see his mother holding the hand of his little sister and his larger older brother tugging at her sleeve trying to get her to look in the window of the toy store they stood next to. When I had it all sorted out, I looked into the worried boys eyes and said “I like bravery in a kid but I may have to exercise the Naughty/Nice clause on you for fighting with your sister…” “BUT SHE ALWAYS STARTS IT!!!!” he interrupted, shouting but quickly remembering who he thought he was talking to. “Look Stevie, I know that, but she always suckers you into getting in trouble. Be smart and avoid her when she’s trying to throw you under the bus, OK?” I replied. “OK” he said, looking amazed that I did indeed know his name. Truth was, I heard his mom call his name when he wandered in my direction, so that part was easy. “What about all the fighting with your older brother?” I asked, knowing any kid with that twinkle in his eye was a middle kid, of which I’m a card carrying member, so at this point I felt obligated to help him out. Fighting with his older brother was as easy a point to make while keeping my cover secure and the lowest hanging fruit I could pluck and my secret Santa status safe. “He beat me in Dragons of Destiny last week and told me I have to wear the Ring of Gorgon for two weeks as part of my shame” he said with his head hung. “Gorgon, Smorgon little dude, I don’t see a ring on your finger or over your head and anyway, I know purdy much everything that goes on between you two. You’ve heard the song, right? ” I asked. “He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake…” Then he chimed in, quietly singing along with me like he’d just remembered the secret code words, “He knows if you’ve been bad or good” and I let him finish the song solo. He sang with refrain “so…be good…for goodness sake“…the words like small light bulbs going off in his mind as he sang them. He quickly realized he was in trouble with Santa himself. “Here’s how I see it kiddo. You’ve got, say, four more days till Christmas day, right?” I asked. “Yes Sir” he said with a note of hope in his voice. “I’ll make a deal with you Stevie. I may not be able to fix the Mario Brothers foul up but I’ll try, but you have to be super-duper good to your Mom and Dad, and not fight with your brother and sister even if they start it, agreed?” “AGREED!” he said, sticking his hand out to shake mine, which I did. “Merry Christmas, Stevie!” I said as he skipped back to his mother, her looking at me with the “I’m so sorry he’s been a nuisance look” shaking her head and shrugging simultaneously. I gave her the thumbs up telling her it was OK. Stevie grabbed her hand and looked over at me one more time, waving as they walked away. I noticed him and his slightly bigger/older brother talking. I was sure he’d told him to take his Ring of Gorgon and shove it, but only after he told him who he just had a conversation with. Stevie was pointing back at me, telling his brother under whose authority he answered to that particular December day. His big brother looked back at me as he walked away I give him the two fingers pointing at my eyes then pointing at his, the military sign for “I’m looking at you”. Stevie’s brother’s eyes quickly grew bigger than saucers as he walked away, listening to his younger brothers sage wisdom. Us middle kids gotta stick together… and, I’m starting my diet a little earlier than New Years Day…. copyright(c) 2011-13 Jim Hall
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 17:52:26 +0000
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