No fixing people Every person is a work in progress, even this illusion speaking to you is a work in progress. Life is about evolving toward perfection that can only be actualized upon death by perfecting the art of imperfection. People don’t want to be fixed. If they want to evolve or fix themselves, that is on them. If they want help, they will ask but be careful. The degree and nature of the help they want is defined by your relationship with them. They more intimate you are, the less they want your help solving and more they want you to just be there for them. In other words, the closer you are, the more important it is to focus on what makes the relationship work and be or aide in a solution than to solve problems. It is unethical for a doctor to work on someone they are close to unless it is an absolute necessity in the moment. It is more than unethical though and is true for physical as well as psychological and spiritual help. The emotional attachment skews judgment and can result in radical behaviors and impulses they would not otherwise act upon. It is even better for the expert to step aside for a lesser expert and be there as emotional support than to take on the problem personally. Sometimes in relationships we push our partners to evolve faster than they are ready. Again, it is important to let everything work out at its own pace. You may be in one place and your partner another. And if that disparity leads you down paths away from each other or is too severe, as David Schnarch contends, you can grow apart. This is life. If you want to avoid this, then simply focus on what makes the relationship work and be patient. What is meant to be will. Gentle nudges may be called for to inspire your partner forward, but even these can backfire. If a person is overly comfortable in a bad situation, there is little you can do for them. They must find greater value outside their bad situation because to them they are taking the bad as an opportunity cost for the good. They must see a greater or equal good they can count on that does not cost more in bad. It is situations like this that are rough on friends and lovers to simply stand by and watch, but they must. Each must choose and evolve for themselves and by their own hands. A drug addict is not going to stop being an addict until they are so miserable in their addiction they will take any path just to get away. The same is true for those who are comfortable in bad situations. Love them enough to let them find their own way out. PuMa Tse https://facebook/groups/profoundpu/
Posted on: Tue, 16 Dec 2014 19:43:07 +0000
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