Ok, Im at a computer now so Its SO much easier to type. When I say yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions, its really an understatement. I have been so focused on getting Christian stable and ready to go home, that I never really sat down and thought about the logistics and the reality of everything. When we were leaving the hospital, we couldnt stop smiling. Christian was doing amazing, we got say bye to all of our favorite doctors and nurses, the sun was shining and being able to see Christian breathe in that first breath of outside air was priceless. We all took our time packing everything up in the car, took some pictures and then we were on our way. Please learn from my mistake...when you have about an hour before your childs next seizure medication, dont decide to drive home from Tacoma at 5pm on a Friday. That drive gave me *almost* as much anxiety as I had when I found out my 11 year old had just had a stroke. All of a sudden we are outside of our safety bubble of a hospital, we are going 15mph on the freeway and In my head Im going over all of the worst case scenarios....what if he has a grand mal in the car? Maybe we should stay in the slow lane in case we need to exit urgently? Can I load the syringe of seizure meds in the car? Is that even safe? SHIT!! Thank goodness I have a calm and confident husband that kept me from hanging my head out the window and screaming at everyone to get out of my way. We pulled in our driveway at 6 on the dot and gave him his medication while he was still in the car. Ok. We made it. I am wound so tight at this point and then as I look at my house and slowly start to piece together the changes....I start to cry. A rush of overwhelming love goes through my body. My friends mowed our lawn, painted the outside or our home school room, hung up signs and balloons....I walk in.....my house is spotless, my toilet is fixed, Christian has a brand new bed that he can safely sleep in, fresh flowers on the table....the list goes on. How do you thank the people you love for selflessly taking care of you during the most difficult time of your life? How do I show them how good they made me feel? I dont know yet....but friends...I will pay it forward. As I walk through my house I can see that Jessi Oakland placed quotes all around my house....she knew the exact things I needed to read to keep me calm during this new chapter of life. After taking all of that in....the reality of our new life started to set in. And then I couldnt stop crying. Maybe Im experiencing a little bit of the stages of grief? Im saying goodbye to our old life and stepping into the new. The pressure of our situation is scary. Seizure meds every three hours {including the middle of the night} makes me uneasy. I know I wont forget anything....but what if I do?! Lots of alarms set in this house right now. I calmed down, my family hugged me, I tried to step back and just focus on the now and not what the future holds. We set up a mattress in the living room so we could all sleep together and it felt so good that I think we will be doing this every night for many nights to come. Christian slept like a baby. Hes learning to use his walker and hes feeling better every minute. Im going to post a separate post about his stroke and seizures. Thank you friends and family. Thank you praying for our child and helping us get through this. #teamcoate for the win!!!
Posted on: Sat, 12 Jul 2014 13:28:59 +0000
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