On this day, nine years ago, I walked out of Rehab with no clue of what the future held. Now, these years later, as product of a well worked program of where I am not perfect and I still screw things up, I am witness to a remarkable fact, that if the Steps are worked, in order, correctly... a miracle will happen. Sanity will be restored!!! With that, so many choices open themselves up. Only made possible with what was shared with me, that I share with others. Tools - Meetings, Sponsor, Network, Service and in that order of simplicity. Understanding that the Third Step isnt about God, but about sharing my fears, worries and anxieties through sharing whats going on and how it makes me feel, my will and my life. Doing a Fourth Step by living my life on lifes terms and having the Step work me, and me not working it, in solitude. Then instead of some dark, dank basement, or a persons garage, I instead take my Fifth Step to the rooms, and not continue to live in secret. Here, I share about the memories of guilt and shame, not only what I did, but who I did it too. Then, having done this, I started to see patterns, not a mistake (a single mistake is not a pattern), and patterns are character defects this leads me to my Sixth Step... where through working on my character defects I employ character traits to erode and remove them. While in the process of eroding them, my short-comings will manifest, Ill humble myself, be open-minded and recognize that Im not perfect, in so doing a Seventh Step. Becoming willing to forgive others, or to have others forgive me is part of it, but truly learning to forgive myself is what I had to do for the Eighth and Ninth Step. Accepting the difference between being wrong and having established boundaries and knowing when I have been in error, to see my actions and motives and immediately admit it, I struggle with this one, but I do my Tenth Step throughout my day. Giving me a reason to pause and chew on these thoughts and to meditate, reflect, and share with my network. Taking it to quiet counsel, through daily pray with my God as suggested to me through the Eleventh Step. Thus the Twelfth Step, having been given this gift, this reprieve from insanity, I am tasked to give it away, to carry with me, the life altering program of recovery, to share and help others, in the way I was helped nine years ago when I was spiritually empty and a danger to myself and others. Thank You all for being here for me then and for being here for me now.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 19:12:45 +0000