One step forward ten steps back, I refuse to give up.. But does it ever end? I pray to God everyday, every night asking for strength to keep pushing, wisdom to make the right choices, courage to follow the right choices.. But I get no answers no signs no breaks.. Have I dug myself to deep? Is there a way out? Will I make it? I feel Him out there but I dont feel his love for me.. I know I havent been honest in the past but ive tried to correct that and have only made things worse.. My family feels very distant, my heart even more distant even though I know shes right here with me.. I seek for answers every where I look or go.. But it seems theres none to find. Am I blind? Has satan corrupted me so much that there is no hope? I feel the evil in my brain, but I fight it off to try and make it one more day, I feel the angel in my heart and soul pounding it away, but is it enough. If it was why would I still feel this?.. Ive always doubted myself, and thats always kept me down. I wasnt taught to be a man.. Im still learning to be one.. I refuse to ever give up on the things my heart guides me too but my brain only makes things worse. Im lost in the darkness.. My own creation, my own hell. I feel the warmth of the light but everyday it gets colder and colder.. Im lost, and nobody is looking for me.. I feel I dont deserve to be found, for I have only done this to myself. I was told the Lord forgives.. But can I be forgiven for what I have done?.. By the ones who mean the most? I have only good intentions with evil results.. Im confused, torn, scared, and wore out.. I need answers.. I need results.. And most importantly I need forgiveness and progress... Is that to much to ask?
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 04:14:59 +0000
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