PLEASE SHARE :: Below is a message i received late last night from a girl who is extremely strong but crushed at the same time!! I would like as many people to read this as it shows how hard it is and can be for many people who are struggling!! Has anyone got any positive words to say to this girl?? #TJ A year ago next month I attempted a near fatal suicide attempt that nearly left 2 beautiful boys without a mum!! Yes I was selfish...back then was I?? I didnt think I was, I was trying to end my horrible pain and the torture of life! I hated life because of grief, bullying and personal issues. Trying to live with the emotional scars that affected me so badly, it broke me to pieces and made me struggle!! Depression made its entry into my life!! That horrible feeling...its the worse thing to experience!! Life is cruel for myself &!others to experience it! It affected me so deeply it affected me as a person! Those horrible dark days where you hate yourself, keep asking why?? Why why why? Why is life this hard?? Why?? I should be happy..I should be a care free girl with a basic normal life!! Didnt feel like that! I suffered mental abuse from a bully, I was grieving after loss of my twins..been a single mum to my 2 boys..dealing with the effects of peoples actions, sometimes people dont realise their words alone can effect you! I survived my near death experience! I thought right Im alive still, il fight this stupid disease, be happy and go back college and I did! I still suffered more stress and trauma but I did my best to be strong! Was it enough? I attended counselling, I blocked out bad memories, I tried to be happy! I completed a course that I loved but still felt I wasnt doing good enough! Its the way life made me feel. I was just there feeling happy again but my bully didnt want see me happy! So she tried pull me away from my family again..its working coz my brother doesnt speak to me and I sometimes have heated arguments with my parents! No body wants that!! So I feel a looser again, she winning again! She affecting my confidence and who I am! My job as a mum is struggling because there is days I just want stay in bed and cry. I cry over everything Im overly sensitive, I dont have energy to do things with my boys! That depresses me more they are suffering because Im suffering! Im suffering because Im trying to fight this horrible thing..depression! Im only 29 I have my whole life ahead of me, but I want to end it so badly! But Im fighting back, Im always fighting back. It takes my mind, makes me angry, makes me cry, makes me scared, makes me afraid of loosing the people that more the world to me, makes me feel like a failure, makes me feel ugly, I dont feel love yet I give a lot of love. Im a good person with loving nature but life still not good enough, I dont feel good enough! I hear about tragic suicides every week. I understand their pain I attended 1 funeral of a male, I saw the distraught in the family, the sorrow and pain but I felt calm..calm to where I want to end it but not wanting my family or friends suffering especially my 2 beautiful boys.. Nothing helping no counselling, no anti depressants! Im severely depressed these days and my battles are taking its toll on me but Im finding strength to battle against it. I just want it to leave me alone..I want people to leave me alone..I want my bully to leave me alone..but small part me fighting back even when Im a mess!! Depression isnt by choice...it just creeps into you..dont let it go too far!! For me I need to find strength but I cant build it up..I want to see light I dont want to be like this. I want it to go away and leave me alone. Im not alone thousands are fighting the sane battle. All it takes is for someone to hug you, tell you that they love you, tell you that you are worth everything for to stay on earth for longer... Depression is a mental disease, its not a simple case people should not judge till they walk in our shoes.. For every action that someone does there is fatal consequences that a person has to carry! It has to stop, people are loosing their lives but its not enough for some people to destroy lives!
Posted on: Mon, 01 Sep 2014 12:01:33 +0000
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