Please take the time to read this, if you could. ☺️ Depression doesnt discriminate; male/female, young/old, rich/poor, you get the idea.. It can be hereditary, triggered by a death of a loved one, substance abuse, even good events; such as passing exams, getting a new job or in my case, getting 5 conditional offers to the universities I wanted to go too. Depression is so much more than feeling down or sad. It sort of warps the brain, making you feel so detached from the world. It makes you feel so self conscious of your flaws you cant leave the house for days. Confidence is shattered, leaving you too afraid to speak to your own family members because the fear of mixing up words is so extreme. The worst thing for me was the complete lack of concentration. Not being able to read a book to escape or even concentrate on a t.v. programme. It is such a lonely place to be. The constant thoughts of an easy way to end it all, to rid yourself of the feelings of guilt or worthlessness. The answer? There is no easy way. You just have to wait it out. You can only truly understand how difficult, upsetting and excruciating depression is, is if youve suffered or lived with the person suffering. Ive lost friends who I thought would always be there for me, Ive been stabbed in the back, Ive had people leave me when I needed them most, even when they said they wouldnt, haha. Ive felt so lonely and friendless, Ive cried myself to sleep. Ive had to give up the chance to go to university twice, which destroyed me, however, I have now been able to accept that Im not a failure, my life isnt over and that I will get to the place I want to be in my own time. Altogether, I have been severely, clinically depressed for 13 months (over a period of 2 years). After I supposedly recovered last time, I did stupid things Im not proud of. I was out of character and went a bit off the rails. I was rude, cocky, big-headed and so on. However, the past is the past and thats where it stays. Ive beaten myself up for to long. I hope people will understand, I am very sorry to the people I offended and I hope you accept my apology. I dont really know what the point of this was, I guess to apologise, make myself feel more confident when Im out and also to try and reassure young sufferers like me that youre not alone, dont give up, you will recover. Its a nightmarish illness but you will beat it with time. Youll be a hell of a stronger person when you do!
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 18:36:35 +0000
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