QUESTION ABOUT WIFE BEATING AND ISLAM! Assalam alaikoum brother Najam, Could you give some guidance and information as to wife beating and explain the ayah which allows husbands to beat their wives? Jazaka Allaah khair ANSWER WaAlaikum AsSalam, AlHamdu Lillaah, and peace and blessings be upon His last and final messenger and prophet, his family, his companions, those who came after them and all those who follow the correct guidance and refrain from the deliberate disobedience of Allaah. There is no injunction in the Glorious Qura’n or an example from the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) which allows, encourages or condones Muslim husbands to beat their wives. In Surah An-Nisa (4:1), Allaah The Almighty says: “O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person, created therefrom his wife (mate, pair), and from them both, He created many men and women and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual rights, and (do not cut off the relations) the wombs. Surely, Allaah is Ever All Watcher over you.” Allaah the Almighty in Surah An-Nisa (4:19) says: “O you who believe! You are prohibited to take women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dowry you have given them, unless they commit an open lewd act. And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing (about them) and Allaah brings through it a great deal of virtue.” In the same chapter (Surah An-Nisa 4:128), Allaah the Almighty says: “If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husbands part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though mens souls are swayed by greed. However, if you do well and practice self-restraint, Allaah is well-acquainted with all that you do.” In Surah Ar-Roum (30:21), Allaah The Almighty says: “And among His Signs is, that He created for your wives (mates, pairs) from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He put affection and mercy between you. Verily, in those are indeed signs for people who reflect.” Contrary to the widely held beliefs, in Islam obedience is purely within the rights of a husband ordained by Almighty Allaah and not in all matters. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “There is no obedience of anyone in the disobedience of the Creator.” Even in case of a divorce and or reconciliation thereafter, the husbands are ordered not to mistreat their wives. In Surah Al-Baqarah Allaah the Almighty says (2:231): “And when you have divorced women, and they fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on logical basis or set them free on the reasonable basis. However, do not take them back to hurt them, and whoever does that, then he has wronged himself. And treat not the ayat (Laws) of Allaah as a jest (joke)……. It is evident that Almighty Allaah is ordering husbands not to treat their wives harshly but live with them honorably. If the husband dislikes some of her habits; it may be that he likes other things about her. Allaah ordains that if the marital life and relationship become impossible and unbearable, then the couple may separate peacefully and amicably. It is a sign His of mercy that He created both genders as pairs, mates and equals in rights and rewards so they live in love, affection, in tranquility. He established that only those who respect Him and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) live in peace with their spouses. Furthermore, He prohibits husbands from keeping or taking back their wives with the intention of harming them. Almighty Allaah considers the mistreatment of wives as making “jest with Allaahs ayat.” The phrase “wronged themselves” means when a man mistreats his wife he commits a sin and puts himself in harm’s way. Husbands are not permitted to beat their wives and force them into submission to self-made rules, cultural and family practices, and vicious desires. The prophet (peace be upon him) said: “accept your wives as they are, advise and work with them in love and have patience, treat them kindly, with equality and Justice.” “The wife is not a playing in the hands of her husband, but a moral responsibility, and an equal spiritual being that is entrusted to him.” “The best among you are those who have the kindest of behavior and finest disposition to their spouses, such are those who show perfect faith.” “The finest among you is he who has the best disposition to his family. Verily, I am the best one among you with my family.” The ayat you asked about are of Surah An-Nisa (4:34-35) and says; “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husbands absence what Allaah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them, refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allaah is most High and Greatest. If you fear a breach between them, appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation; for Allaah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things. Regrettably, instead of pondering on these two ayat (4:34-35), Muslims, foes and friends take a tiny portion to justify their wrong actions and criticism of Islam. Even in that tiny portion of the ayah a specific situation is mentioned and certain steps are ordered to correct that situation. Almighty Allaah did not permit husbands to beat up their wives at will or take this ayah as a “hunting permit.” The Glorious Qura’n has established strict criteria to proof wife’s wrongdoing. Thereafter, and depending upon the severity of the violation, if the admonishing and advising corrects the behavior, then there is no need for any other action. If that does not work, he should refuse to share the bed with her. All of the efforts are applicable purely only in the matters within husbands rights, Allaahs limit, and only to save the marital bond, without duress or pressure by husband’s family members or insignificant others. Wife beating is prohibited in Islam. The Glorious Quran also implies restrictions, prohibitions and rules of conducts for both genders in marital relations and not for wife only. Nobody in the right mind can say that a portion of an ayah provides grounds or authorization for husbands to beat or abuse their wives. Saheeh Muslim recorded a hadith narrated by Sayedina Jabir Ibn Abdullah (RAA) that during the Khutbah Hajjatul Wadaa, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said; “Fear Allaah regarding your women, for they are your partners. You have the right on them that they do not allow any person to step on your mat (house, bed, etc, and what the ayah Quran describes as “lewd act”). However, if they do that, you are allowed to discipline them lightly. They have a right on you that you provide them with their provision and clothes, within your means.” Husbands must not try to force their wives to change, but bring positive influence through, love, care, advice, decent personal behavior, preaching and practicing good deeds following the orders of Allaah. Unfortunately, almost all men by their up-bringing, habit and example show their dominance and impose certain cultural, family practices or self-made rules upon their wives, hoping that the wives would live the way their husbands want. The irony is that majority of Muslim men do not correct themselves or advise their wives to follow Allaahs limits but most of the harsh treatment and abuse takes place when they didnt like what she does in other matters. Shameful is that act of violence against women, and extremely sinful that he uses Allaahs ayat as “justification.” The distinguished Muslim scholar Shaikh Dr. Jamal Badawi, Professor at Saint Marys University Halifax, Canada, Departments of Religious Studies and Management, says: “If the problem relates to the wifes behavior, the husband may exhort her and appeal for a reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem persists, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed. There are cases; however, in which a wife persists in bad habits and showing contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic measure than a punitive one. Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following: a. It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of mutual respect, kindness and good treatment. Based on the Quran and Hadith, this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husbands reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). b. As defined by Hadith, it is not permissible to strike anyones face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadith qualifies as “dharban ghayra mubarrih”, or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a symbolic use of siwak! They further qualified permissible “striking” as that which leaves no mark on the body. It is interesting that this latter fourteen-centuries-old qualifier is the criterion used in contemporary American law to separate a light and harmless tap or strike from “abuse” in the legal sense. This makes it clear that even this extreme, last resort, and “lesser of the two evils” measure may save a marriage does not meet the definitions of “physical abuse,” “family violence,” or “wife battering” in the 20th century law in liberal democracies, where such extremes are so commonplace that they are seen as national concerns. c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. d. True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him) who never resorted to that measure, regardless of the circumstances. e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. By definition, a “permissible” act is neither required, encouraged nor forbidden. In fact, it may be to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted or unqualified, or ignoring it all together. f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any “Muslim” can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text. Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person(s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him).” (End Quote) Another renowned scholar Shaikh Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqui, former President of the Islamic Society of North America, stated: “The Quran urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. In the event of a family dispute, the Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects. It is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband in the marital relationship. However, the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness to his wife. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to resolve the differences. However, in some cases a husband may use some light disciplinary action in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only applicable in extreme cases, and it should be resorted to if one is sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the family, then he should avoid it completely. Almighty Allaah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husbands absence what Allaah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allaah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them, twain, appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation; for Allaah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things.” (An-Nisa: 34-35) The ayah neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle the delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word “beating” is used in the ayah does not mean “physical abuse.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained it “dharban ghayra mubarrih” which means “a light tap that leaves no mark.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to discourage his followers taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one hadith, he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embraces (sleep with) her?” It is also important to note that even this “light strike” mentioned in the ayah is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it.” (End Quote) I hope this answers your question. I request you to forward this reply to others as you see appropriate. I seek Allaah’s Mercy and Forgiveness for my sins, mistakes and misunderstandings in all matters. Thank you and WaSalamu Alaikum, Najam
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 13:37:27 +0000