~Reaching out for advice from my Facebook community~ I have everything I need. I am blessed with an abundance of resources and support and loving, genuine friends in my life. But I do have one Christmas wish, and I need some help with it. Im consulting you, my loving Facebook community, because I know that likely most of you have been through something similar, and that so many of you are deeply committed to the work of authentically knowing yourselves, exploring your inner worlds, and healing your bodies, minds, hearts, and souls, and sharing what you learn with others so they can do the same. If you feel moved to be a part of this conversation, please post here if you think it will be helpful for everyone, or feel free to send me a personal message if you want more privacy, or details from me. It isnt easy to share, but I believe that through unapologetic, whole-hearted, and intentional exposure of our vulnerability, we heal. So heres whats up. In the past few months, I feel like Ive allowed my brain and heart to be hijacked. I know that ultimately I have control over my thoughts and emotions, but it feels almost impossible to keep the painful things that have happened in my life recently out of my consciousness. Every time I re-remember (which is dozens of times a day) it hits me like a brick wall. My heart feels like it breaks over and over again. It takes me out of whatever Im doing or thinking about and brings me to a place of suffering. Its made it very challenging for me to be present, and moments of peace, pure joy, and bliss have been infrequent and hard to attain (down like 68% from normal Bumkins Bliss levels). Usually, my blissful perspective toward life carries through everything I do and everything that happens in my life, even through the pain and darkness. But I feel like my bliss-tinted glasses are dusty and scratched. They need to be cleaned, polished...and maybe the prescription needs to be updated. This is the first time that my rosy perspective has been intensively challenged. I know that life isnt always rainbows and sparkles and buffers and champagne and unicorns. I know I can seem very idealistic, and I am, but I value the dark times as much as I value the light. Im just so tired of these thoughts playing such a big part in my life. I dont think I have anything to gain from reliving it again and again. I want to be able to play again, laugh again, meditate again, do yoga again, dream again, and BE again, without being interrupted by these sneaky, invasive, devastating pain thoughts. I believe that I will be able to get back to my rose-tinted reality, but that it will be a stronger and more grounded and more authentic than before. I just dont know how to get there. Sitting in mediation right now is extremely uncomfortable, to say the least. I sit there with these thoughts, trying to replace them with OMs or other mantras. And when they wont go away, I just try to detach from them, try to step between them and the emotional sting that results. But doing that is difficult, and sometimes I never even get there. I just sit in the sting. Its the perfect example of SOPHIE, DONT THINK ABOUT PURPLE ELEPHANTS! and now alllll I can think about is purple elephants. Although I wish it were purple elephants that I couldnt unstick from my psyche. So Im asking if anyone has any techniques, therapies, practices, mantras, or pieces of advice that have helped them in similar situations. With the new year right around the corner, Im ready to design and commit to a plan of action to RECLAIM MY MIND AND HEART. Recently Ive had trouble committing to any healthy practices to help with my healing, as I find that most of those things are incredibly challenging and painful to begin after being completely knocked on your ass. Ive hit a block, and its hard for me to get passed this point. But I need to and I want to and NOW is the time. So I want to UP the self-care, cultivate my practices, and actively work to replace my pain thoughts with more productive, empowering, and REAL thoughts. If any of you have any advice for how I might design this plan and stick with it, Id be honored to hear it. I am open to any approach--psychological, spiritual, therapeutic, experiential, etc. etc. Anything you got, I am open to it. Oh boy, even just typing this out feels therapeutic. It really does :) Again, thank you all for making me feel safe and comfortable enough to use this social media network thing the way I do. Beyond cat photos and selfies and political rants, Facebook has great potential to connect us through our joys and through our challenges. This community has helped me immensely, and many of you have told me that the way I reach out and put it all on the line has helped you too. And because of that, I keep doing it. Thank you for your time, thank you for your thoughts, thank you for your love. I love you. And no, I wont stop saying it :)
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 20:13:00 +0000
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