SELF-FORGIVENESS... AND BEYOND DEAR FRIENDS- In this era of human culture and history there is a radical and tragic deficiency in our ability to understand and nurture the Aunthentic Self of developing children. Unconsciously and unintentionally the vast majority of parents around the world are passing on what I call the generational cycle of pain. That is without meaning to- automatically and habitually- parents treat their vulnerable offspring in the same or very similar hurtful and dysfunctional ways that they themselves were subjected to growing up. As Jesus said about his executioners- they know not what they do..... Infants, children and adolescents resist accepting this self-defeating conditioning in many ways. In an epic and anguished and forgotten struggle we all fought for the love we needed and to stay intact and whole. But invariably it is the child- and not the dysfunctional and unaware parents- that is seen as the problem. We fought being made into something tamed and something chained- like the wild and free animals and spirits we were born to be ..... But in the end no child can hang on to his/her full aliveness and self-connection. We were all broken. The result is that children are forced to suppress their Real Selves in order to numb the terrible pain- fear and isolation, rage and despair and heartbreak. In their battle for emotional survival every child learns to comply to the demands of their dysfunctional family and this wounded world. In utter desperation for belonging and approval and love- we give ourselves away. And deep in the hidden recesses of our souls we suffer our whole lives by this heartbreaking loss of our Authentic Selves. We carry a terrible sorrow and the loss of faith in ourselves, our ability to truly love and accept ourselves, our knowledge of how beautiful and right we truly are. And we are haunted by feelings of guilt and shame- self-blame - for surrendering who we really are . I have seen over and over- both in myself and in my psychotherapy clients and Self-Love students- how people judge themselves for the pain they carry. And for giving up their fight to be themselves. We whisper in self-disappointment- I should have fought them harder....... I should have done something...... its my own fault...... How can we whose hearts and spirits have been shattered- and who blame ourselves for being broken- ever shed the guilt and shame over the primal self- betrayal we feel? How can we reclaim our sense of Original Innocence and Rightness? At a certain stage of the journey forgiving ourselves can be a necessary liberation from the shame and guilt for giving away our Real Selves to try and please our parents (primarily) and the wider world. But there is a deeper and more whole and healing place beyond even than that self-forgiveness. When you radically wake up and see that you never chose in any genuine meaning of the word to betray or compromise yourself...... that you automatically and unconsciously adapted to your parents demands in a life and death struggle to try and win their love- your body breaks wide open and you sob the deepest sobs you will ever release. Because you realize that you bear no blame or responsibility at all- you were totally innocent and remain totally innocent. You see that you need not even forgive yourself- because theres nothing to forgive! In that blessed moment the angel of truth comes to your rescue- and sets you free. And an overwhelming love and compassion for yourself heals your broken heart and brings you joyfully and forever home -to YOU! LOTS OF LOVE- BRIAN
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 12:18:21 +0000
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