SGI Members stories - Winning Over Hopelessness By Gwyneth Congon If I had not decided to practice Nichiren Daishonins Buddhism, I would probably not be alive now to share my experience. By the time I started school, I had given up looking for hope. I went to Catholic school because I am visually impaired, and St. Lucys offered visual support services. I learned to compensate for my visual impairment there, but the religious indoctrination set my hopelessness in concrete. I learned that because I wasnt Catholic, I wasnt good enough, I wasnt smart enough, and God did not like me. I already felt doomed. And now a major world religion agreed with me! I had always entertained thoughts of suicide, but I didnt think I was even capable of that. By the time I was 14, my despair was out of control, so I was hospitalized to prevent my own suicide. Every time I sat on the hard little couch during therapy, I was forced to poke and prod at the things that hurt the most. But I knew I had to do it. \\Two years after I consciously began to wage guerilla warfare against depression, I was introduced to a philosophy of unrestrained hope and optimism. The Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin was an exact confirmation of what I thought the world should be like and it was practical. I wasnt really down with the idea of chanting, but I figured Id sit though that (like I used to sit through church) and just take the useful philosophy. Id treat it like a Buddhist buffet. I wholeheartedly applied Buddhist principles to my life. How could I just bypass a philosophy with a fundamental belief in the infinity of human potential for happiness and creativity? Still, I only chanted to be polite. If living by Buddhist ethics was working so well, what was the point of repeating Nam Myoho-renge-kyo over and over again? Couldnt I just embrace the philosophy without having to chant the words? One afternoon I was feeling especially unpleasant and I had exhausted all other options. I was too upset to study, listen to music, talk to anyone, or even read the back of a cereal box. So I shouted Nam Myoho-renge-kyo! and it was so cathartic and wonderful that I tried it again. Then I felt silly standing there in the dorm room, alone, shouting, so I sat down and chanted for a whole minute. No miracles happened, but I did feel a bit better. I was starting to generate ideas about how to solve some of my problems. I started chanting consistently. At first, I would chant on the way to the bus stop to slow the bus down if I was late. Then I tried chanting for things like being calm during an especially grueling exam. It worked so well that I couldnt think of a good reason not to chant. As I steadily became a happier person through practicing this Buddhism, I resolved to learn Gongyo. At that time, which was about a year ago, Gongyo was a once-a-week occurrence because it took me so long to get through it that I was never motivated to do it. My brother, Art, really pulled through for me. He would arrange his schedule so that we could do morning Gongyo together in an obscure computer lab in the physics building. He always went out of his way to do Gongyo with me, and he let me do it as slowly as I needed to. Now, I am proud to say that I have a fully self-motivated practice. By living my life by Buddhist principles, I am taking concrete actions every day to become a stronger, happier person, and by so doing I hope to encourage other people to do the same. I can say with complete sincerity that I am a truly happy person. I have won over hopelessness, one of the most potent poisons in life.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 16:32:34 +0000
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