#SadMoment #LifeFromAfar "I am truly madly deeply sad. Not even these words can define the extent sadness I am feeling. Gimingaw ko sa akong parents and brother, I live in a city like in a middle of nowhere (outside the country). Almost everything is cyclical. I live with my sister but she also have her own life, own problems and own way of dealing it. I thought yung post it sa refrigerators na Makita sa movies are just made-up, but I am living with that. My sister will leave a message saying this and that. In the beginning, I was over-estimating myself, sabi ko pa “bat naman sila madedepress eh unlimited yung internet, sa phone, sa bahay, sa bahy ng kaibigan, 3g at may 4G pa. And aside from that, almost everyone has a car, laag/meet-ups? easy-bizzy! When I was still in Philippines, wala man ko nagpuyo kauban akong parents (kay taga province man sila) because I need to study sa city, yet I felt like there is no difference, kasi they are just like 3hours away, depende pa kung anong uri ng transpo gamit mo. Pero ngayon, naa lagi ako ate, pero she always chose other people than me, kana ganing feel nimo na wala kay pulos. Pero nadawat ra nako na, siguro mas makakita siya ug comfort sa lain, and my presence is not helping her so much (which is sakit kaayo). Naa pud ko friend, lahi siya ug lahi, sagol sagol, mix breed ni. We became really close, na mura na mi ug uyab kaya lang dili pwede kay babae jud mi pareho, close lang jud mi. Pero ni abot ang point na mura na man ko ug sunud-sunoran. She always wants me to go to her place pero hagu kay ang way of transpo namo is bicycle, unya wala baya ta naanad magbike ug 5km no? Plus ang abot tuhod na snow na parting tugnawa ug danguga bike-kon. I asked to her to come over instead kay naa siya bus card and it’s not as hard as I have to deal with, pero ayaw niya. She sometimes is very bossy, she calls me names pero nadawat ra nako kay ana man siguro ng mga puti, they say those words without meaning it.Gimikera, pero gikapoy naman ko ana nga lifestyle uy, tapos gasto pud, wala pa baya ko work, tapos dili niya na madawat kay nausab lagi jud daw ko. Pero ni abot ra jud ang boiling point, nag-away mi kay ana siya dahil daw sa akong uyab nagging cold ko sa iyaha, but the truth is, I can’t handle when I am obligated to be with her, dili dahil sa akong own will, gasto pud kayo, tapos kung naa mi exam dili ko kastudy kay magsleep-over na siya tapos manghangyo magwatch sa daw mi ug movie tapos walay study mahitabo. Nagsorry ko pero wala niya dawata, naghulat ko ug time na muhupas ang akong kalagot, then nagsorry ko maski wala ko kabalo ngano kay dili ko gusto na muabot mi sa awkward situations (classmate mi and 18 lang mi sa classroom, dili pud mi friend sa akong 1 ka classmate kay gipagpantasyahan ko kay unya lood kayo). And it affected me so much, kay close jud gud mi. Another thing is, dati sige ko ingon, ngano sila gimingaw sa maxx candy, chippy, nova, adobo, kalamunggay, bulad, etc., nga ordinary ra man diri ang mga food na pag naa sa atong table dati mura na ug nay birthday or fiesta. Pero all of a sudden, sa akong kafriendly, nahimo kung asocial, distant, and lazy. Daghan ug changes sa ako and mostly negative (I think).Kalaagan ra nako sauna. Pero bigla ko nga gimingaw sa akong dad, nagadream jud ko sa iyaha. I called them saying I might come home this December pero my money is not enough, in a way na dili nako sila malaag, dili ko kahatag2 sa ilaha, kay sa pinas ang gikan abroad “kwartahan” baya daw (according to the society), wala nila huna-hunaa gi-unsa nato paghugas ug tae diring dapita. My mom said, just come home, don’t mind about that, as long as you are home, pero BAGAAAAANG!!! Pagstorya nako sa akong dad bi, ana man siya ayaw lang uli nak, kasi mas mingawon naka, save for your future, and you know dati pa na mingaw jud dira. Antos lang. Sakit man uyyy. I was expecting na he would be happy to hear me saying “I wanna come home”. Lastly my relationship is way beyond complicated………………………………………………………………….. #DepressGirl BSN Female
Posted on: Wed, 07 Aug 2013 02:17:06 +0000
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