September 17, 2014 8:58am Good morning. This day starts with some apprehension for me. It’s been two years and three days since we laid my late wife in her tomb. Today I am going to Hospice of Savannah to check into their grief-counseling program. I will not go into great detail about the trigger for this inquiry, but I want to sit down as a family and listen to others who are dealing with grief. My hope is that my girls can get something positive from the sharing of coping mechanisms others use in their lives to get through those days when the pain seems as fresh as the flakes of winter’s first snowfall. For me, as fresh as the moment Teresa was declared brain dead. Funny that she was brain dead, but her love was still very much alive in my heart. I can feel it even as my fingers find the words to share in this journal entry, but honestly, I don’t feel like a very good parent in this moment,. It dawns on me that I should have this two years ago. Better late than never right? Life comes at you in so many different ways and my apprehension on this morning is not in coping with the grief of our loss, but in a call I got from the doctor late yesterday afternoon. While the podiatrist declares that everything on his end couldn’t look better, the healing of the ulcer on my foot is off to a great start following last Friday’s surgery. He said the bone he removed actually looked like fish hook, with the sharp point facing downward, not only causing the ulcer, left untreated, he said it would never heal. It was treated and that part of the problem is addressed. The infectious disease dr. called to say they finally have the cultures back from said infection. It is some nasty bacteria that can not be treated with oral antibiotics. They were informing me that they have scheduled me for the placement of a pick-line, so I can give myself intravenous medicine to attack the nasty, aggressive bacteria that has taken up residence in the actual wound on the sole of my foot. It looks like a bullet hole that appears to be more than an inch deep. I should be able to see the bones due to the flesh-eating nature of this particular germ. When I dress in a few moments, I will put on every ounce of courage that’s left in my closet of emotions, wearing it as under-armor for the latest medical procedure in my life. But I am resolved that this bacteria may ravage the flesh on the sole of my foot, but it can not touch the goodness I feel in my soul. I believe God placed that in my heart and it is impervious to harm from any outside invader, whether it be as big and bad as the Devil himself or as microscopic as the bacteria in my foot this morning. But I hope those germs live it up because they are going down! There is too much to live for and too much good in my world to let bad news throw me. It’s not the first nor will it be the last, but with love, prayers, and support, I can walk tall and hold my head up high, even if nothing works and I lose the entire foot. Some may watch me walk and feel sorry for me for the limp, but in my mind, it’s no gimpy gait, it’s SWAGGER! Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support. My prayer for you is that this is the best hump day of your lives, as you have helped fuel some of mine in the midst of some of the darkest moments of my days to date. God bless you, one and all. ()
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 13:06:46 +0000