Shame is an epidemic in our culture. And to get out from underneath it, to find our way back to each other, we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way were parenting, the way were working, the way were looking at each other. Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College. He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms? The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance. When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms, the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence. If were going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathys the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it cant survive. The two most powerful words when were in struggle: me too. And so Ill leave you with this thought. If were going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path. And I know its seductive to stand outside the arena, because I think I did it my whole life, and think to myself, Im going to go in there and kick some ass when Im bulletproof and when Im perfect. And that is seductive. But the truth is that never happens. And even if you got as perfect as you could and as bulletproof as you could possibly muster when you got in there, thats not what we want to see. We want you to go in. We want to be with you and across from you. And we just want, for ourselves and the people we care about and the people we work with, to dare greatly. Brené Brown
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 17:08:04 +0000
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