Since I started taking the Welbutrin, its been a difficult process to integrate my newly awakened intelligence with my constant overbearing pain. I keep thinking that if I just brain hard enough, Ill find the solution to the pain. But thats not how its working. The pain is part of me. I am, after all, 42 and I havent been terribly kind to my body over the years. In a primitive tribe, Id be an old woman and probably incapacitated to a large extent. Today I am re-envisioning this pain as a gift ─ one entwined with my role as a shaman and a healer. I am always rooted in the underworld through the pain. It is a direct channel to understanding and compassion. It is also a huge burden and sometimes I still lapse into great swaths of self-pity and why me?. But if I am to piece myself back together in my minds eye, I must take back the body and its pain and integrate it into a positive, meaningful role for myself. My courage and will are strong today despite the knives in my legs.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 16:40:08 +0000
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