Smiles for 1-20: Crazy News Tidbit Anxious to include as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human resources department of the University of Alberta has put up a Braille poster outside its main office. The poster has been placed inside a display case with a glass front. This is brought to you by the same geniuses who put braille instructions on the drive up window at the bank. Oops... Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co- worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. Not really, Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, I only bought a little pot. Internet Lingo The language of the internet is full of shortcuts. Some, like LOL (laugh out loud) and KISS (keep It Simple Stupid) have gone mainstream. But new online lingo is always popping up. AYPI: And Your Point Is? AWGTHTGTTA: Are We Going to Have to Go Through This Again? BEG: Big Evil Grin HHO1/2 K: Ha HA, Only Half Kidding TYCLO: Turn Your CAPS LOCK OFF! New Book Titles Heres a listing of some recently-published new books & their author.... How to Write Large Books by Warren Peace The Lion Attacked by Claude Yarmoff The Art of Archery by Beau N. Arrow Irish Heart Surgery by Angie OPlasty Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel School Truancy by Marcus Absent I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Phil Down Mystery in the Barnyard by Hu Flung Dung Positive Reinforcement by Wade Ago Shhh! by Danielle Soloud The Philippine Post Office by Imelda Letter Things to Do at a Party by Bob Frapples Stop Arguing by Xavier Breath Raising Mosquitos by I. Itch Mountain Climbing by Hugo First Long Shot... Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me. The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and proceeded to berate the caddy on the tee telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he under estimate his game. So, giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for. He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it folled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee. Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, And now for one hell of a putt... 21st Birthdays A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. Grandma, he asked, its my 21st birthday, so why cant I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him? Granny looked into Lars eyes and said, Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July. The Little Turtle A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female bird says to the male, Dear, I think its time to tell our little turtle he is adopted. The Elephant and the Crocodile An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the jungle, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle. What did you do that for? asked the crocodile. The elephant answered, That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago. The crocodile said, And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory. Yep, says the elephant. Turtle recall. [ arcamax ] ==============================
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 07:33:39 +0000
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