Smiles for 1-30: Blood Race The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood. After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well. As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel. Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat. Suggestion Box Some of my co-workers and I decided to remove the small, wooden suggestion box from our office because it had received so few entries. We stuck the box on top of a seven-foot-high metal storage cabinet and then promptly forgot about it. Months later, when the box was moved during remodeling, we found a single slip of paper inside. The suggestion read, Lower the box! Smart Eyes A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down, and I turned off the lights. Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z, and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw. Without hesitation he replied, Consonants. Lion and Lamb A few years ago the Pope visited New York and was taken around by Henry Kissinger. They visited the Bronx Zoo and Kissinger showed the Pope one cage where a lion was with a young lamb, which snuggled up next to the lion. The Pope was amazed. For 2000 years, weve prayed for signs of the messianic era and the prophesy that the lion will lie down next to the lamb. I see you must really be a man of peace. How did you do it? To which Kissinger replied, All it needs is a new lamb a day! Financial Situation A little boy was upset with his parents financial situation, so he decided to write God a letter: Dear God, My mommy and daddy need $500 for bills, and I dont know who else to ask. Could You please help? Johnny The letter was received by the local post office and put in the dead letters pile. The clerk, being curious of the letter addressed to God, opened it to see what it said. As you can imagine, he was touched by the letter and decided to help. He asked all his fellow workers to chip-in a few dollars to help a family in need. When all the money was collected, it came to $300. The clerk sent a money order in an official Post Office envelope with the return address simply: God. Several weeks later the same clerk found another letter addressed to God in the same writing. The letter said: Dear God, Thank you for the $300, but next time dont use the Post Office. They have a $200 service charge. Johnny How to Train a Cat Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. Dont worry, my husband reassured me. Ill have him trained in no time. I watched for several days as my husband patiently trained our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa. Marriage and Men - When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision hell ever make. - Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home. - A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married mans face. - Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest. - An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge. - Marriage brings music to a mans life. He learns to play second fiddle. - Getting married is one mistake every man should make. - A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him. - Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence. - The argument you just won with your wife isnt over yet. - Before criticizing your wifes faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects that prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married! [ GCFL.net ] =================================
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 06:12:57 +0000
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